I have experience with men who have been married, and I’m sure there are only two types of people who do not cheat.
one. Someone who is seriously afraid of losing what they have.
2. The one who has not yet met a person with whom he will lose his head and will not be able to resist the temptation.
I am a woman who cheated on their wives. In the same way, I’m sure they cheated on me. And I never cared what the man I was dating was telling me. If he admits that he worked late, that is his right. If he says that he left with friends, I wish him a great time.
I do not feel the slightest desire to read between the lines, torment myself with questions and spend hours discussing with my friend why he said or did this. I think I know men quite well.
Yes, I have had many affairs with married people, I do not regret anything and do not feel remorse. We are adults and are responsible for our actions.
Sooner or later, any relationship can get bored, but not everyone is ready to divorce. Sex on the side does not separate the couple, as is commonly thought, but, on the contrary, often restores the family. A man becomes more tolerant of his wife, and sometimes their relationship after betrayal celebrates a second birth.
I myself cheated when I lived in a civil marriage, and our relationship only benefited from this. She always returned to her man with a new sexual drive. I didn’t tell him because I knew it would hurt. But nevertheless, it only improved our connection.
Many people deep down agree that cheating can revitalize relationships, but we cannot afford to admit it openly.
Give him the opportunity to be alone, not to share anything with you
Side bonding often arises from routine and partner fatigue. From the lack of your space and the feeling of freedom. And women only aggravate the situation and push their men to this.
The most frequent complaints of those with whom I had a relationship – endless female requests to confirm that he loves only her and that he does not need anyone else. If he constantly does not reply to her messages, surveillance begins.
Almost no one gives men time for themselves. It seems to women that if they are not in communication with a partner every minute, he may disappear from their lives. But they only achieve the opposite effect – a man gets tired of endless pressure and lack of freedom.
Let him go with his friends all night, let him watch football. Give him the opportunity to be alone, not to share anything with you and not to discuss your experiences every minute.
If you choke a man with your controlling calls, tears and attempts to pin him to your life, then it is not surprising that he begins to seek emotional support from others. Sometimes it grows into something more. And then only blame yourself – you created this betrayal with your own hands.
Daria Petrovskaya, gestalt therapist: “Regular cheating is an attempt not to grow up”
“Cheating is a more complex and individual process than the reader thinks. Sometimes this is the result of the immaturity of the people in a couple, sometimes the relationship itself. If there are no other ways to show closeness to each other, much is replaced by sex with a partner or on the side.
Intimacy means not only tenderness and love, but also honesty in the manifestation of negative feelings, the ability to meet and endure them.
By referring to women who provoke a partner’s infidelity, the heroine is obviously describing a codependent relationship that may indeed include a cheating component. Such relationships are often a projection of parent-child relationships.
Partners (both or one of them) try to find the acceptance and love that were so badly lacking in childhood, and when they do, the excitement disappears in the couple. Because it is impossible to want “mom” or “baby”. Then there is a split, in which it is easier to go to the side for sharp impressions than to stay where it is difficult. “
In a dysfunctional relationship, an illusion of balance arises, the cost of which can be very high.
The position of the heroine “change everything” is rather infantile, reflects her personal experience and means that the balance of take and give in a pair is broken or has not even begun to form. If there is a bias in one direction: either only to take or only to give, then a crisis moment comes.
And when communication between partners has not yet been built, that is, the ability to talk on different, including uncomfortable topics, betrayal is just a good outlet for the accumulated energy. This often becomes an illusion that the relationship has received a “second wind”. And it is very convenient to return to your beloved under your own barrel, but only until a new period of tension.
Indeed, there are examples of couples in which one partner regularly cheats, and the second by all means supplants this fact. And if you do not delve into personal neuroses, but look at it more broadly, then in general both have adapted to each other as best they could.
And these relationships are not always bad, but they are not kept at all thanks to betrayal, which cannot be hidden for a long time, but only because the second partner finds a way to somehow compensate for the injury.
So in a dysfunctional relationship, an illusion of balance arises, the price for which can be very high – health, self-esteem, trust in a loved one.
About the expert
Daria Petrovskaya – Gestalt therapist.