why you shouldn’t look for the guilty

The only way to stop blaming yourself and others is to realize that it’s not wrongs, mistakes, and shortcomings, but human imperfection. Despite mistakes and mistakes, everyone is worthy of love and respect. These are not crimes to atone for.

We easily forgive ourselves for mistakes if we are satisfied with the result. If not, it is much more difficult to forgive, and this is bad for everyone. But we have a choice: not to take a bad result to heart. It does not detract from our personal value. For example, if we are usually 20 minutes late, a friend may leave without us. No offense. If it hurts us, it’s up to us to decide whether something is worth fixing. Buddy has nothing to do with it, this is exclusively our problem.

Moreover, we are not obliged to answer for other people’s mistakes. If your partner breaks a plate, don’t blame yourself: “Oh, I left it on the edge of the table.” This is a waste of time and effort. Life is too short to return to the role of the delinquent child. Imperfect people break plates from time to time. And no one is to blame for this. Let’s say he did it on purpose. We respond: “All because of you!” But does such a reaction help? If we’re angry about someone’s awkwardness, we can try to deal with the anger.

Learning to express your feelings in a sustainable way isn’t too difficult. Instead of “How do you piss me off …” you can look for a compromise, say, ask to buy the same plate. This is a fair compensation for defiant behavior, and it is much more effective than the usual ostentatious resentment.

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