Why is … talking about violence so hard?

Why is … talking about violence so hard? KNOW YOURSELF

Why is … talking about violence so hard?

Those who survived the violence often ignore this topic, preferring to be alone with their feelings. Why is it so hard for victims to share experiences with even those closest to them? And why is sharing this important and necessary? Today, November 25, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, our experts argue about this.


Topic tabooed in a society that holds on to violence

All types of violence are interconnected, says psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya, – violence against children, women, state violence. “The easier violence is perceived as the norm, the higher the risks for all groups of citizens,” she emphasizes. – There is a lot of violence in our society, it largely rests on violence, which means this topic is taboo. Victims should be silent, witnesses should look away. ”


Men interpret confessions of women as accusations

In a society like ours, the only approved reaction to violence is identification with the aggressor and transferring responsibility to the victim, they say that she herself is to blame, says Lyudmila Petranovskaya: “Or, in a slightly milder version, an attempt to expose oneself as a victim (“ Yes women themselves scoff at us as they want! ”). Many interpret the confessions of women as an accusation against them and are desperately defending themselves, insulting the victims and not even understanding this, because they themselves are scared and insulted. ”


The story gives rise to repeated experiences

Viktor Kagan is surprised at the attitude of those who see harm and malice in public confessions of victims of sexual violence or harassment. “It is surprising how the therapist said to the patient,“ Why are you saying this ?! What nonsense are you going to fuck ?! ”he comments. “Yes, saying“ to the city and the world ”is not at all like a therapist’s appointment.”

“However, the speaker needs to be understood, accepted. Heard not only by others, but also by oneself. And for this you need to gain strength to speak. Yes, this is not without risk, ”says Victor Kagan. But psychotherapy is not without risk. Ultimately, this re-experiencing is more productive than trying to silence or suppress a traumatic event.


No experience dealing with violence

“We do not have the baggage of social technology. Nobody knows what to do with this, nobody believes that something can be changed, so it’s better not to know and not to hear, ”says Lyudmila Petranovskaya. Where to go and what to do? Can a rapist be punished?

Psychotherapist Viktor Kagan believes that psychologists could join discussions on social networks, accompany comments: “Prevent discussions from rolling down into the war, remind those who may need help, rather than condemn its participants.”

In a healthy society, victims of sexual violence do not need to prepare for assault and condemnation. They are sure of support and help and that their offender will be punished.

#Not SilentNovember 25

Every year, with the support of the Government of Moscow, the Moscow-based Crisis Center for Assistance to Women and Children holds a social campaign “Don’t Be Silent!” As part of the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. From November 25 to December 10, events are held all over the world aimed at drawing public attention to the problem of violence. More details here.

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