A few months ago, a friend called me and asked me to help save his girlfriend, who allegedly fell into a sect. We met, and he told a sad story: for eight months she has been attending women’s trainings as if she were going to work. “It seems to me that I can immediately give part of my salary to her coach, and soon I will give all my salary. The last straw was that she signed up for the training “How to find the man of your dreams.” Am I not that man? “
How it works?
“How to attract a man”, “secrets of seduction”, “funnels of female power”, “strengthening relationships with the help of oral sex techniques”, “marriage with a millionaire” – these popular trainings are attended by thousands of women. They are waiting for a miracle and a magical transformation in 21 days from a dull housewife to a seductress.
Trainings create a special atmosphere, immerse you in a fairy tale. The trainer is called a “wizard”, guru, “fairy”, candles and incense are lit, pleasant music is played.
“A woman’s daily life is quite simple: it consists of work, taking care of herself and children, some kind of leisure,” says psychotherapist Irina Vinnik. – There is little magic in life, and when a problem arises, she realizes that it will be difficult to solve it inside everyday life. This fantasy world comes to her aid, where all women are beautiful, understand each other and know special secrets and techniques. An illusion arises that this is what she lacked. Critical thinking often does not work in women. And then it works like a sect. “
Participation in the training gives a feeling of excitement, fever, and the more people in the group, the stronger the effect. A coach is perceived as a wise mentor, like a mother or father, who will teach you how to do it, who you can trust. Participants tell how much their life has changed after talking with a mentor, how they found happiness, got married, had a child, became confident and successful.
Instead of real action, such trainings offer magical rituals that promise to make you a modern Aphrodite.
“These are the remnants of a childish, mythological consciousness – the belief that we will be given a magic wand, with one wave of which we will be transported into a fairy-tale world,” says the expert. – Infantile women tend to look for quick solutions: learning to talk with your husband takes a long time, it is difficult to improve yourself as a person, it is scary to take responsibility for your life. It can be a woman of any age, whose consciousness is stuck in the state of a child. “
Instead of real actions, such trainings offer magical rituals, through which the participant will become Aphrodite in a modern guise. You are being encouraged to become a “different person”, like everyone else in the group, you hear the phrases learned. But why does society need the same women, in whom there is no spontaneity and sincerity?
Irina Vinnik advises to attend useful trainings and seminars on self-development instead of trainings on transformation into a wonder woman. “Among useful trainings for women, I can mention the teaching of intimate gymnastics: it is important for physiology, including for improving blood circulation in the pelvic organs, for solving postpartum problems, and for preparing for childbirth. This is a very specific set of exercises, daily workouts, and it will take time and effort to achieve results.
And this does not mean that the female energy will work in a magical way, that you will become the queen of sex or solve all problems with a man. It’s just that intimate muscles and women’s health will be in order: through improved blood circulation, both increased sensitivity and increased pleasure from sex are possible. “
What is the danger?
Few of the organizers warn about contraindications and possible negative consequences. A common example: a girl came to a meeting and, under pressure from a coach, who often chooses a so-called victim for herself, said a lot of personal things about herself. Arriving home, she feels a deep sense of guilt for this frankness – psychologically, she was not ready for it. Or feels ashamed, disappointed.
You need to take into account the peculiarity of your nervous activity and answer the question: what do I expect from this training, what results should I achieve? If it seems to you that something went wrong: the coach is unpleasant to you, he puts pressure on you, the atmosphere in the group is too strange, feel free to get up and leave.
Attending trainings and developing very well, they can really change lives, but it will take years. Promises to make you happy in three days and find a millionaire husband is a story from the category of sorcerers and magicians. Any training should be considered as training, and it cannot be quick. For example, the average psychotherapy group lasts six months. And after that, years of work on oneself follow. Then you can really become a different person, find yourself, a vocation and create a happy family.
About the expert
Irina Vinnik – psychotherapist, gestalt therapist, sexologist. More on her…