where does it come from and how to work with it


Live according to your desires

There will always be reasons not to allow yourself to actively move towards your goals: not enough experience, colleagues work for less cost, “why I am better than others.” They feel like cheaters, they don’t take into account their own qualities, efforts, and hard work that make them deserve success.

It seems to them that if something worked out, then most likely it happened by accident. But it is precisely these thoughts that make a person stop himself all the time when he wants to start a new project, to reveal his potential.

I know one very talented speech therapist. She came to see me in a state of emotional burnout. When we figured out why this happened, it turned out that her schedule was tightly packed with consultations. I asked her if she would like to raise the price. The teacher admitted that she would like to. But a minute later I returned to the same depressed state and said: “I cannot increase the cost, I have a diploma from a not particularly prestigious university.”

The woman was confident that people would not want to pay more for her work, and therefore took on additional training courses, instead of ceasing to devalue herself. She ignored the fact that people are already coming to see her, and the schedule is scheduled for a month in advance. The idea that she has a non-prestigious education, and a diploma from a good university could become a confirmation that she is not an “impostor”, entered her mind.

Recognize and neutralize

Often people of various professions, well-educated, with great experience, still feel like students, they always use the prefix “not-” and words with its “participation”. Not smart enough, not capable of taking risks, not competent enough. Why is it like this?

Of course, the answers to the question must be sought in early childhood. It is at this age that the foundation of the personality is formed, at that time our attitude to ourselves and to the world is laid. After all, the child receives information about himself from the adults around him. For example, a baby brought a drawing to his mother or made something, and she praises him or with facial expressions shows that she recognizes his efforts. And then, becoming an adult, he more easily accepts his own achievements and believes that everything will work out.

But if the child worked hard, but he was ignored all the time and was told, for example, that “4” is not an assessment, then the skill to appreciate his efforts will be minimal. There is also the opposite situation, when children are praised for every action, and then they are not able to objectively assess their skills, but such people are rarely visited by the impostor syndrome.

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