when your family’s past hurts your present


Many families have relatives about whom nothing is known or who have been deliberately deleted from family history. As a rule, these are people who lead a marginal lifestyle, who have violated the moral laws of society, those for whom they are ashamed or in whose life tragic events have occurred – sudden death, serious illness.

If such a person is “expelled”, sooner or later a child with similar character traits, and sometimes the fate of an “outcast”, will be born in the family, Ann Schutzenberger writes in her book. All unspoken and secret unconsciously manifests itself through the life of descendants.

Name as identity

Do you know to whom you owe your name? Maybe you were named after one of your parents, grandparents, or after the hero of the novel? Or maybe it is customary in your family to call children that? What meaning did the parents put into this name?

This can serve as a clue to your behavior and events that occur in life. For example, you were named after your grandfather, whom everyone was proud of, and your relatives unwittingly associate you with him. You are expected to have the same success in mathematics or extraordinary organizational skills. And all your life you have been trying to achieve something that is not interesting and not close.

Feeling of orphanhood, lack of roots, connection with ancestors

It happens that we feel isolation, isolation, do not understand what place we occupy in the family, family and in life in general. Perhaps one of yours was an orphan, lived with a family of relatives “out of mercy,” felt like a burden. This self-perception could be passed down through generations and gain a foothold as a family trait.

These symptoms take away vital energy. The psyche is trying to cope with the feelings accumulated for many generations before us. The inherited burden of sorrow, anxiety, grief, feelings of loneliness pulls back. We may not notice him, but he has a huge impact on us: simple things are difficult for us, we feel like failures, we lose the meaning of life. There is no place for our own desires; they are replaced by the aspirations, prescriptions and attitudes of previous generations of our kind. As a result, we do not live our own lives.

How to get rid of ancestral syndrome

It is quite possible to get your life back, but for this you need to do work. You’ll have to:

  • To delve into family history, talk with relatives about the life of their ancestors, understand if there are topics or people that are not customary to talk about, make inquiries to the archives.
  • Be prepared for the fact that completely unexpected facts from the life of the family will emerge, which are not always unambiguous and pleasant.
  • Together with a psychotherapist who works in a psychogenetic approach, draw up a gene sociogram of your family.
  • With his support, recycle the burden of family secrets and heavy feelings associated with them.

These steps will help to voice what has been hushed up, live what has not been lived, forge emotional ties between generations, improve relationships with family and meet with yourself.

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