what’s wrong with him?


Objective view

Whether or not stereotypes about single men are justified, they remain as tenacious as the good old tale of the handsome prince. A man should be in love, attentive, courageous, with a sense of humor, independent and reliable … Everything happens as if women have predetermined the ideal that men must comply with in all respects. However, stereotypes can also say a lot about the character of those who, with their help, are trying to hang another label.

“Each of us has his own system of ideas, fears, expectations that come from experience, parental scenarios and social attitudes,” Inna Shifanova reflects. “Wanting to be objective, we are actually sifting reality through the sieve of our stereotypes: the more there are, the smaller the gaps.” It is difficult to get rid of the “grid” because we simply do not notice it. In addition, to some extent, it really protects us from mistakes. But, alas, from discoveries too! And often the price of such “wisdom” is loneliness.

All of us, both men and women, are unique. That is why it is sometimes so difficult for us to find a match for ourselves – and therefore, when we find one, it brings us so much joy.

Why do they stay lonely?

There are so many women around them who dream of finding a life partner – but these men refuse to enter into long-term relationships. What are the underlying reasons that lead them to hold on tightly to their loneliness?

“I’m tired that everyone thinks they have the right to ask me why I’m not getting married,” says 48-year-old Mikhail. – To get rid of them, I bought a wedding ring and put it on my left hand, as if I was divorced or widowed. If I am still asked what this means, I am not lying – I just take a deep breath and say: “Better not ask!” This is usually enough. “

It is impossible to name with certainty one or even several reasons why a man prefers loneliness, our experts say. The answer can be found in family history and in sexual problems. “Even a survey will not help here,” says family psychologist Inna Shifanova. – Because among the reasons for loneliness may be, for example, latent homosexuality. Many men do not even admit it to themselves and, perhaps, prefer complete abstinence. “

Isn’t this the key to some platonic novels, in which dating and frank conversations do not lead to physical intimacy and often leave women bewildered? “This is not excluded, but the reason may be different,” says sexologist Irina Panyukova. – Many men are afraid of being sexually insolvent, especially after a long break in sexual activity, and therefore avoid any physical contact. Women often have no idea how vulnerable men are in this area. And subsequently, fear can overpower or completely suppress desire. “

A patient and generous woman can help a man overcome many fears. However, experts remind that there are some problems that cannot be solved without the help of a psychologist – and this can only be done if the man himself wants these changes.

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