Increase your relevance: the technique of changing negative attitudes
What does it mean to feel significant? Significance can be external and internal.
- Internal is how respectful and attentive a person is to himself, his desires, needs and needs.
- External is how it is perceived by society and a close circle. Confirmation that a person is appreciated, respected, loved, he is interesting and important for other people.
But each person, to one degree or another, has attitudes that lower personal significance. And this gives rise to problems and questions: “why do you try and work all the time, and can’t you see a career advancement?”, “I run my own business, but I can’t delegate tasks and demand maximum returns from my subordinates”, “my spouse does not take my wishes into account and does not listen to opinion ”and others.
When a person, fearing to offend, makes concessions that complicate his life, this is a sign of fear of rejection
To solve such problems, you need to understand what settings affect their appearance in your life.
1. Standing out is bad. For example, being rich and successful is unacceptable and dangerous. This attitude has been embedded in our mentality since the time of the revolution and has been responding to us to this day.
2. It is indecent to show your virtues. Hypertrophic modesty, instilled in childhood by parents and significant people, causes shame and guilt.
3. The priority of others’ interests. It manifests itself in the form of neglect of their interests and needs in order to please the needs of others.
4. Orientation to the opinions of others. When making decisions, a person not only listens to someone else’s opinion, but also trusts him more than his own. Thus, a veiled fear of taking responsibility for one’s life and decisions is manifested.
5. Fear of offending another. When a person, fearing to offend, makes concessions that complicate his life, engage in self-abasement, adapt and suffer, this is a sign of fear of rejection. This attitude is often intertwined with the priority of the interests of others.
6. External locus of control. Shifting the blame for their failures to other people and circumstances. Imaginary inability to influence your life.
If you recognize at least one installation in yourself, do the following. Take a piece of paper. Describe how the installation affects your life. What areas does it particularly affect? How is it manifested in behavior? Now write the opposite belief for her. For example, you have the setting “to demonstrate virtues indecent.” Replace it with a positive belief “I respect and love my virtues, I am happy to share them with others.”
Complete the exercise: remember the situation in which you showed this attitude, and imagine how you would behave if you were guided by a new positive belief. Do not rush, imagine everything as detailed as possible, mentally observe your behavior. Remember it. To strengthen the effect, remember and do the same with 2-3 similar situations.
Gradually bring new behavior to life. Nobody will do it for you.
about the author
Ekaterina Schasnaya – Psychologist, author and presenter of self-sufficiency programs. Read more on.
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