I’m pretending to have sex … Isn’t that scary?


The scene in When Harry Met Sally, in which actress Meg Ryan portrayed an orgasm right at the restaurant table, opened many men’s eyes: women can imitate the satisfaction of physical intimacy so convincingly that even an experienced partner would not suspect a catch.

A poll on our website showed: 68% of women admit that from time to time they exaggerate their own sexual feelings. We are talking about those women who use such tricks occasionally – the rest of the time, expressing their feelings naturally and spontaneously, they get sincere pleasure from having sex. But if pretense becomes a constant companion of intimacy, it is worth considering: what is behind the silence of the body?

“Perhaps the reason lies in fear and distrust of the partner or in the unwillingness to independently analyze and discuss with your loved one your desires,” says family psychotherapist Inna Khamitova. “The woman shows the man that she is having fun (although in reality it is not), and he is sure that everything is in order.”

So why is it so difficult to be yourself – women who love to have sex and often, but do not always enjoy it?

Unpredictable pleasure

The pleasure of intimacy is like inspiration: it comes when you don’t expect it, and disappears at the most inopportune moment. It is in this situation that some women tend to exaggerate their feelings.

“Let the one who never pretends to be the first to throw a stone at me! – says 26-year-old Alice. “I am happy with my sex life, but sometimes I pretend when I’m tired so as not to offend my partner or just to try to bring orgasm closer.”

“My husband and I are always good in bed, but those rare moments when I do not get sexual pleasure, I prefer to hide from him – I know he will be upset,” says 39-year-old Marina. – If a beloved friend gives something that we do not need at all, we will most likely portray joy, right? We pretend, although we are not in love with her. So why not do the same in sex? “

When acting is a joy

Men tend to perceive sexual satisfaction unambiguously, considering: it is either there or not.

“But even for men, ejaculation is not always equivalent to orgasm, and for a woman, pleasure is even more complicated: it can arise, intensify, weaken and go up again,” says gynecologist Elena Yegorova. “And sometimes all these stages fit into one sexual act.”

A woman can pretend at some point, and a minute later feel pleasure absolutely sincerely.

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