I cried, begged him to explain how this could happen. He said that it just happened and I have to accept it.
For a long time I collected myself piece by piece. However, time gradually made me feel sober and reconciled with what had happened. The first months after the breakup, he paid off the loan, and then stopped. He answered rather rudely that he would fulfill his obligations if I left him alone.
I learned that the girl he went to was the daughter of a man on the board of directors of the company he worked for, the heiress of a very wealthy family. He was going to marry her. However, six months later, my friend said that the ex was seen in the bar kissing with another. So he cheated on his bride too!
I hated him for what he did to me. Trampled my feelings, deprived me of faith in relationships, put me in a vulnerable situation in front of the bank. And I decided to take an unexpected step for myself – to hire a private detective and, if possible, repay it in kind.
My efforts were crowned with success. It turned out that there is another girl who, after the end of the relationship with him, just like me, “got” on a loan. And he really cheated on his bride. I sent her photos of his betrayal and photos of my bank documents, confirming the deceit of this man. And she wrote that she was ready to talk to her if she wanted to. She didn’t call, but he lost this job, and the wedding was upset. They are no longer together.
I don’t know, and I don’t want to know the details. Ever since I sent the package to her, a stone has fallen from my heart. I hardly remember my ex. And although they say that revenge is a destructive feeling, now I feel much easier and happier.
“Vengeance is always a risky and not guaranteed chance to heal a mental wound.”
Daria Petrovskaya, gestalt therapist
With the damage received in the relationship, the heroine had to cope alone, and this affected not only her mental state, but also financial (after all, she had to pay loans for the ex). And this, of course, enhances the feelings that accompany parting, preventing it from being completely completed.
The girl continued to follow his life and was emotionally involved in what was happening. And now, as if by magic, there is a chance to replay your story, emerging from it as a winner. She does for another woman what she would like for herself – organizes the exposure of the scoundrel and saves, as it seems to her, from the pain of betrayal. That is why it becomes easier for her.
In gestalt there is a concept – proflexion. This is part of the unconscious mechanism in which a person does for others what he really would like to receive in relation to himself. In reality, we cannot meet our needs directly. And instead of voicing a request for support, we begin to “do good” to others without their request.
Here there often arises a supportive feeling of self-need and importance, because “I am doing a good deed”, but at the same time a feeling of rejection from others: “Who will thank me?” In the story, the bride of the former did not call the heroine back and did not support her. Most likely, she was very unpleasant to see evidence of cheating.