“I can’t speak without swearing”


“As a child, I used to swear with delight,” says Alexandra, 30, a kinesitherapist. – My parents were always worried about decency, but when they were not around … Adults were simply frightened if they accidentally heard expressions that were least of all knitted with my lace dresses. And I enjoyed my “power.” And peers loved it! They listened with their mouths open and tried to remember.

However, after graduating from school, I stopped it. I decided that I want to express myself in a different way and earn popularity. The task was not easy, but creative, and in the end I solved it. Even in acute situations, I manage with censorship vocabulary, although I know that if I wanted to, I would have gagged inveterate swearing words. “

Fifteen years have passed since then, and the notary Ekaterina still remembers this case.

“I was doing an internship, and I needed to get a testimonial from the manager. He wrote: “Competent, but often unrestrained in speech.” And do you know what first came to my mind when I read this? “Here m … to, damn him!” Catherine has long been accustomed to watching her words, but it still happens that some obscenity breaks out of her tongue. As if these expressions were vital to her … Or maybe not to her alone. But why?

Why are we fighting?

I’m overcoming my addiction

“Swearing is a way to quickly devalue what it is directed at, or the one to whom it is addressed,” says clinical psychologist Tatyana Voskresenskaya. To devalue, that is, to make it unimportant, to symbolically deny existence – according to the psychologist, this makes sense only in relation to what is really significant for us. So much so that we often feel the fear of being dependent on such important persons or circumstances for us. And swearing helps to shake off this fear, albeit for a short time.

“Dependence on the mother is one of the strongest,” adds Tatiana Voskresenskaya. – Attempts to get rid of it are captured in the dictionary of Russian curses, which are not in vain called obscene. And the one who constantly sprinkles his speech with abuse, fears life. “

I rebel

“Non-printable expressions touch on three areas,” notes psychoanalyst Dominique Delmas, “physiological functions, sexuality and the divine, – the very ones that our parents put a taboo on.”

By uttering curses, we rebel against our “super-ego”. And at the same time we enjoy the energy released at this moment, which we spend the rest of the time in order to keep ourselves within the prescribed limits. “20-30 years ago, they would say that those of us who abuse swear words are protesting against strict upbringing. But today its principles have softened, and here you can rather see a sign of adolescent crisis, which is delayed due to the fact that we later become independent. “

I affirm my male status

Dirty expressions are more common for men, experts say. When a girl says them, she tries to assert her authority. Swearing makes speech “masculine”, turning it into a kind of “verbal phallus.” In an aggressive male society, a woman, according to Tatyana Voskresenskaya, is forced to choose: to remain defenseless in front of a verbal attack, to submit to the aggressor, or to “accept battle” by speaking in his language and partly betraying her feminine and maternal nature, using words that humiliate her.

“A woman’s lack of confidence in her value makes her compete with men in their field, imitating sexual aggression,” the psychologist concludes.

What to do?

Hear (not) your inner voice

We can swear in response to an event. But curses can also appear more persistently in the mind. If you regularly exclaim something like “Oh, you bitch!”, It is worth listening: whose voice sounds inside when you say this? Offensive words, even when addressed to others, can also symbolically express how we think we look in the eyes of someone close to us.

Conduct environmental protection

Swearing is a verbal energy concentrate that in some situations really helps to get rid of fear, anger, indecision and even pain. It is only important that people around (for example, our subordinates, who suffer from self-esteem) and ourselves (for example, after swearing at the boss), do not suffer. One of the options is to use instead of obscene substitute expressions, such as “Massaraksh!”, Which was used by the heroes of the Strugatskys’ novel “Inhabited Island”. There is full scope for creativity.

Realize your worth

When we firmly know that we have something to be respected, we less need to defend ourselves against external evaluations, devaluing those who can give them. To see your positive qualities more clearly, imagine how someone who genuinely admires you would say about you. These can be both real and fictional characters of different sex, age, social status. Allow yourself to acknowledge your own merits as well.

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