“They are called the soul of the party. They are always in the spotlight, they are in high spirits, regardless of the time of day and date of the calendar. And, it seems, nothing can pacify this stream of anecdotes and witticisms. Sometimes it seems as if they were really born for clowning and eccentricity.
“But in fact, endless jokes often hide deep feelings and inner discomfort of a seemingly always cheerful person,” explains psychotherapist and psychiatrist Elena Vrono.
“A very vulnerable person is often hiding behind the mask of a jester,” agrees psychoanalytic therapist Ksenia Korbut. “Acute feelings – sadness, anxiety, anxiety – are unbearable for him, and a joke helps to relieve tension.”
The ability to joke, including over one’s own misfortunes, hides feelings of embarrassment or shame. Having once tried on a clown mask, the “jester” can make it the main attribute of his image. Joking becomes a strategy of his behavior, which, as it seems, saves him from life’s troubles and hardships.
“Vivid, defiant and in a sense aggressive behavior can also hide unstable self-esteem,” continues Elena Vrono. – “Veselchaki” are often internally convinced that they simply cannot interest anyone if they do not make them laugh. “
We can say that such behavior is born from a distorted perception of one’s own personality. With clowning, such people disguise their self-doubt and attract attention without really revealing themselves.
“It’s hard to believe, but ‘buffoonery’ can be one of the symptoms of depression when a person needs professional support,” says Elena Vrono. – In psychiatry, there is an elegant term describing such a state – “smiling depression”: a person puts on a clown mask so that no one will notice how bad he really is. It is difficult for those close to you to believe it – after all, the “joker” seems cheerful and funny. “
“Now I joke on my mood and in the circle of people close to me”
Svetlana, 35 years old, PR manager
“I am very shy by nature. In my youth I suffered from the fact that no one pays attention to me – so it seemed to me. Once, acting in the unusual role of a storyteller of anecdotes, I saw that everyone around me was laughing to tears. I liked the role of the clown, and I played it in all companies. The first time I really bathed in the rays of public recognition: I was always ready, a little nervous, with a new anecdote. But at some point I felt that everyone around (even my boss) perceives me as a frivolous person who cannot be entrusted with a responsible task. I had to adjust my behavior. This does not mean that I have completely stopped joking and laughing. It’s just that now I allow myself to be myself in public, which means that sometimes I can be sad. “
“Jester” is extremely attentive to whether others approve of his behavior or not. He is dependent on the opinion of sometimes completely strangers to him. And the public, accustomed to the antics of a “professional” joker, expects exactly this behavior from him. And he gets used to the fact that the only thing he can do very well is to make people laugh.
“This is a very unproductive position,” adds Elena Vrono, “because in fact other people do not take such a person seriously.”
A talent for clowning, constant communication in plain sight can interfere with sincere relationships. It is not easy for loved ones, because with the help of his wit, the joker avoids serious topics, avoids talking to the point. When we appear as we are – sometimes funny and mobile, sometimes boring and moping – we run the risk of not being liked by everyone. But those who really love us are ready to accept us like that.
What to do?
Examine your fears
A clown mask helps hide your fears from others. It’s worth figuring out: what scares you? Are you feeling humiliated, rejected? Do you panic when you meet new people? You are a hostage to what experts call “social fear,” where laughter becomes the only defense.
Tell about yourself
Are you interested in fishing? The culture of the East? Have the courage to talk about it. The circle of communication may be narrowed, but you will have like-minded people who will be interested in you as a person with similar views and hobbies.
Pay attention to other people
Seeking attention to ourselves, we often lose sight of the fact that there are people next to us who also need attention. Try to show interest in others instead of trying to make them laugh.
Focus on yourself
Try to act regardless of the opinions of others. Of course, observing the necessary balance so as not to be left alone.
Advice for those around you
In order to build a trusting relationship with a joker, choose a method that he understands: joke with him. You shouldn’t tell him with a serious look: they say, stop (those) fooling around – this can increase his anxiety and defensive reaction. Let him understand that the clown himself is dear to you – no matter how he behaves and no matter what tricks he demonstrates. It is important to feel the “jester”: they love me, even if I am not joking or clowning … and without my big red nose.