How to stop thinking about the past
“He who rules the past rules the future,” the famous dystopia says. This is true not only of political regimes, but also of the fate of individuals. The way you perceive your past is reflected in the present and, as a result, in the choice of the path that you are following. Often people do not manage to cope with the sad thoughts about the humiliations and insults that they had to endure years ago. If they cannot curb these involuntary thoughts, they will not be able to move on. Here are a few ways to gain control over thoughts of past troubles.
Become a fatalist in relation to the past
People obsessed with past mistakes often blame themselves for not being shrewd or hard enough to change jobs, move to another city or get out of an obsolete relationship, and as a result have wasted years, missed a lot of opportunities that offered them fate
It will be possible to get rid of such self-accusations by changing the attitude to their role in past failures. Understand that your behavior was the result of a unique combination of circumstances, your ideas about the world and character traits that you had at that time.
It’s easier to think that you couldn’t change anything then, because now the past really cannot be corrected
You will see that you were not the master of the situation, but to some extent his hostage: everything happened as it should have happened. Start thinking about the past in this vein and sooner or later you will feel relief: it is easier to think that you could not change anything then, because now the past really does not lend itself to correction.
Understand: the past is a teacher
Any situation, no matter how nasty it may end and whatever harmful consequences it may have on your life, should be a lesson for you. Having parted with your loved one due to the wrong decision, you have learned to value those who are dear to you, and perhaps this will help you avoid a new mistake in the future. Having spent several years indulging your habits, you have definitely established what you need to get rid of in yourself.
Even if you lost a leg or arm during an accident that you fell into because of your own stupidity, you have gained some experience. And do not rush to say that it is useless. Who knows, if not for this accident, perhaps a risk appetite could cost you your life, and not just your health. The past is given to teach us not to repeat past mistakes and not to make those that are truly fatal.
Fix what can be fixed
The past exists only in its consequences. If you manage to eliminate most of them, you can forget that you once accomplished a lot that you regret. Have you lost several years of your life that you could spend on professional growth? Succeed more in those years that have been set aside for you!
Most of the omissions made earlier can be offset by new achievements. If you see that, despite all the difficulties, you managed to get out of the pit you were in, the load of the past will cease to pull you back.
Learn to perceive the “past yourself” as another person
None of us are an angel or a prophet. What would any other do in your place? Could, for example, most of your friends cope with a problem that you once saved? Would they be able to escape from a toxic relationship?
Even serious crimes have a statute of limitations – why don’t you want to admit such a right?
Think of yourself as an outsider. In a sense, it is: you, such as you were ten years ago, are in many ways completely different from you today. Look at the “past yourself” from the side – did this person have a chance to avoid what he had to face? I think no.
Thinking of yourself as an outsider, sooner or later you will be able to translate painful thoughts about the past into the category of theoretical thoughts about the possibilities of a certain abstract individual.
Forgive yourself and others
After all, what have you done to torment yourself daily for this? Did you destroy unarmed citizens with phosphorus bombs? What caused the death of the Titanic? Compared to truly tragic events – disasters, epidemics – the consequences of your actions are truly insignificant. Is it worth torturing yourself for such petty transgressions?
Even serious crimes for which the Criminal Code punishes have a statute of limitations – why don’t you want to admit such a right? An important point: you must forgive not only yourself, but also other participants in your past. Sometimes we hate those who, it seems to us, negatively influenced our fate. Convince yourself that everyone will get what they deserve – if you were really treated badly, the villain will sooner or later face fair retribution, it will be too generous of you to devote so much thought and strength to him. Or maybe those whom you blame for the insult inflicted on you were also hostages of the situation and could not do otherwise.
If you stop thinking about those who once hurt you, the emotional connection with the images of these people will weaken, and this will forget about the traumatic circumstances of the past.
Is our past a shelter or a trap?
The past, painted in bright colors by our memory, comforts us. Or, on the contrary, his dramas and pain haunt us, fetter us, prevent us from being ourselves. Our task is to unravel this interweaving of feelings and events in order to re-create our own life.
“Smart, but lazy”: why should a student be a lazy person
“He has such abilities, such potential, but he is constantly lazy!” – parents often sigh, talking about the success of the child. Meanwhile, there are no lazy children. Laziness is always a mask, a protective reaction. What is she protecting from?