We had many reasons to say a big, all-encompassing “yes”: as a child, at a wedding, at work when immersed in a project … without a second thought, from the bottom of our hearts. It happens when everything is good. A real “yes” must be harmonious: the head and heart must be at the same time.
If I say “yes”, thinking “no,” then my interlocutor will feel it, gestures and facial expressions will give out the truth. Only a sincere “yes” will make us strong. For it to be so, we must be sure that at any moment we are able to say “no” openly as well. These two words are related to each other.
Often we fall into the trap of “more” – modern society provides new opportunities: more information, speed, choice, things, mobility … Paradoxically, this ultimately deprives us of important things: less time with dear people, less rest and hobbies , less creativity. The demand for more is unsatisfactory.
Therefore, it is worth asking yourself: am I falling into this trap when I say “yes”, and am I not saying “no” to something important? Consent will be complete only if it is related to feelings.
There are many circumstances in which you have to express your position. If we find it difficult to say “yes” in the family, it is better to clearly state the reasons for the refusal. If this is also impossible, you can evade, step aside. It is possible that our loved ones will not approve of us, but such is the price of living in harmony with ourselves.
And at work? You can diplomatically formulate the reasons for the disagreement. Or to smooth it: good, but only this time, it won’t be like that again. But if disagreements with colleagues or management are fundamental, all that remains is to change the place of work. If you cannot express your opinion at all, then we are talking about a lack of self-esteem, and you need to look for its reasons in order to change the situation.
1) take your time
Unlike no, yes obliges you. It’s hard to go back. So, agreeing to a business trip, you practically book tickets. Therefore, before you say yes, hesitate to answer. You might say, “Actually, I want to agree, but I prefer to think it over. I will give an answer in a few days. “
2.Imagine the future
Before you agree, mentally replay the script after yes. What’s going to happen? What will be the consequences? What changes will happen in your life? How do you see yourself? This will allow you to clearly envision the future, as well as look at new and possible rejection that will release you from obligations.
3. Make a note of all your “Yes, but”
In any area – in love or at work – you may feel that “yes” is very binding. Write down all the “buts” that come to your mind, even if they seem completely meaningless to you, without censorship, in 20 minutes.
This is how a deep “yes” can manifest. “Yes, I want to do this business, but… on the condition that the salary will be tripled”, “yes, I want to live with you, but… on the condition that we move to the Maldives” and the like. Then sort your yes’s by choosing the most valuable ones. Read them aloud: this will give you more confidence when you need to answer.
4. Feel YES and NO with your body
Stand up, relax, keep your balance. The left side of your body will be responsible for yes, the right for no. Concentrate and think about your problem. Test the yes zone by taking a step forward with your left foot. Listen to your feelings. Are you relaxed, stable, calm, or, on the contrary, tense?
Stay in this position for five minutes (this is long, but necessary) in order to discern all your sensations. Then return to neutral with both feet side by side. Relax. Think about your problem again. Now step forward with your right foot and enter the no zone. Trust the sensations again. Remain in this position for 5 minutes, then return to the starting position.
5. Determine your usual position in the dialogue
This exercise is paired: you have only one word – yes, your partner – no. Act out the scene using only your own word, changing gestures, facial expressions, volume and intonation. Enjoy this debate.
Then switch words with your partner. Which position did you feel more confident in? More familiar? Which one did you get the most out of and what? This will help you assess whether you are leaning towards yes or no.
6. Replace “I have to” with “I choose”
Yes and no are like black and white. But in life there are many colors and halftones. That is why so often there are many different considerations, doubts, inner voices inside our consciousness. For example, “in a crisis I have to stay at my old place of work, although I would like to change it” or “I have to solve all the problems myself”.
Such a message makes you feel like a victim of circumstances or relationships, it causes unpleasant feelings. It turns out “yes” reluctantly. Write these phrases differently, starting with “I choose ..”: “I choose to stay in this job now. I choose to solve problems myself now. ” Choice gives a sense of freedom.