Every time I approach the meeting point, my chest freezes. 10 minutes before the appointed time, I am ready to cancel everything. And there always comes a moment when I don’t know what to think of, and after saying the first few words, I fall silent in complete panic. Yes, I’m an introvert.
Unfortunately for us introverts, there are no options – we have to go on dates. Many times to answer different people to the same questions about who we are, what we love and what we do.
Leaving a cozy home into a big and noisy world. To let someone we see for the first time at a close distance.
But let’s look at it from the other side. Do you want to find love? Then you have to go through it. There is no other way.
Over the years, I have developed several techniques, thanks to which I more calmly perceive the fact that I will have to talk to complete strangers.
You’re in luck – I’m ready to share them.
1. A little more coffee, a little less alcohol
I know that the temptation to get some courage with the help of an intoxicating drink is very great, but the point is this: if you, like me, already cannot always find the words, alcohol will become your enemy. Only coffee!
2. Short and mysterious
Leave room for imagination. Let your new friend want to know more about you.
The real purpose of a first date is to arouse curiosity. At this time, both of you ask yourself the same questions: “Do I want to spend more time with this person? Do I want to know more? ” And if the answer is yes, you might consider scheduling a new date … by interrupting the current one in time.
Personally, I know that I can maintain a normal conversation for a maximum of 90 minutes, so I try to end the date at the peak of my activity!
3. In familiar places
After many attempts to invent new, original ways to meet and find unexpected places, I realized that this is not the best option for an introvert.
I need solid ground under my feet. I’m sure you will too. In addition, if your new acquaintance likes the place as much as you do, it will mean that you are on the same wavelength with her in something (perhaps you are lucky and she is also an introvert!).
Personally, I always have a plan A and a backup plan B. I choose nice little cafes that are not too crowded. And if it still turns out to be noisy, there is always a park next to this cafe where you can escape and wander together in silence.
Avoid large gatherings if you get tired of them. Concerts? Save this for a second date, otherwise you won’t get a chance to talk.
A good choice for the introvert is hiking or biking trails, cultural events, museums. Anything where there is space, the ability to move and discuss experiences.
4. Questions and more questions
This is the rule of dating: you have to ask the other person about something. And even then, when you have lived together for 40 years and you have grandchildren, you still need to ask each other questions. (“How was your day dear?”)
If you are dating on the Internet, write honestly. When asked, “How do you spend your Friday night?”, It is tempting to embellish reality and say, “With friends at the bar.”
But this is not about you! Answer as it is – “In yoga class, and I like it.” There will be someone who will understand you.
On my first date I was sitting opposite a girl who asked a minor question about my job. I literally dug into the details of the answer, while simultaneously going over in my mind the options for how to present it more wittily so that she would not get bored to death.
But I completely forgot that it was possible to ask her about something herself! This simple truth is difficult for an introvert.
For a first date to go well, you need to have a conversation. Listening is as important as sharing thoughts. If someone asked you how many brothers and sisters you have, they may already be looking forward to talking about their loved ones.
Get in the habit of checking yourself: did I ask the other person about something? Did I learn something about this person?
As one extrovert wrote in the comments to an article about introverts: “I have never had a problem meeting and chatting with someone … But I talk to people for one reason – because they are interesting to me!”
5. Deserved indulgence
Don’t bet too high. It is not necessary that every meeting be perfect, and you definitely should not go on a date with the thought “This will definitely be Her.” With your talent for noticing and analyzing everything, you’ve probably already created a portrait of the person you are going to meet in advance. There is too much pressure on you and on her. Instead, consider dating as an experiment.
Introverts have a tendency to remember everything to the smallest details and think about the little things that their companion might not have noticed, and immediately build forecasts and catastrophic scenarios based on them.
Remember what was good, and think about a new meeting with a smile.
Dating is scary and … exciting. You can experience these feelings at the same time, and this is a sign that something interesting is happening. You challenge yourself but stay true to your introvert nature.
And what could be sexier than a person who is challenging and true to himself?
About the expert: Norman Arvidson is a blogger writing articles for a site dedicated to introverts and their worldview.