He makes himself wait or covers it with a wave, then it covers like a flame, then it barely touches, sometimes it comes easily and suddenly, and sometimes it requires effort and patience …
“Female orgasm is a capricious and unpredictable phenomenon, even under the most seemingly favorable conditions,” says sexologist Irina Panyukova. “It has no visible biological meaning: even without it, a woman can have an intimate relationship, become pregnant and give birth to healthy children.” Without relying on ready-made recipes, we can figure out what barriers stand in the way of orgasm – and try to work around them.
1. Good self-esteem
The very self-confidence that so supports us in everyday life is simply necessary to achieve orgasm. In the sexual sphere, good self-esteem comes from trusting your body and the image of ourselves that it creates. Having this deep confidence means no longer striving for orgasm as an end in itself, but learning to enjoy at your own pace, without focusing all your attention on the partner’s pleasure and not making your pleasure dependent on his feelings.
Positive self-esteem silences both the reproachful voices of the past and the imperatives of today’s mass culture – “Always sexy, always flawless!” No one knows better than a woman herself with whom, when and how she wants to make love. “Striving to reach orgasm more often than a friend, to win more men than a neighbor or colleague — this path leads to a dead end,” recalls Irina Panyukova. “Everyone has their own intensity, depth and duration of sensations.”
2. “Letting go” yourself
For many women, pleasure is unconsciously associated with anxiety, because psychologically, penetration, penetration, is always unsafe. Added to this anxiety is the fear of losing oneself in the oncoming wave of orgasm – not without reason in some languages he received the nickname “little death”.
Women are afraid to find out that the pleasure they experience does not correspond to their desired, ideal self-image. It is possible to release these unconscious fears when the brain disconnects from them in order to focus on the sensations of the body. And more broadly – as the sociologist and sexologist Igor Kon wrote in the book Taste of the Forbidden Fruit: Sexology for All, when we get rid of internal emotional inhibitions, thoughts of sinfulness or shame in carnal relationships.