3. You have been compared to others
Parents and teachers often compare children in order to force them to change their behavior: “Why can’t you be like your brother / your sister?”, “Tim is such a good boy, I wish I had such a son”, “Sofia is such a sweet girl, and you are just spoiled and naughty. “
But when they compare their children to others and create an atmosphere of competition, it only exacerbates insecurity, anxiety, and suspicion. Children feel flawed and unworthy. In adulthood, such a person continues to compulsively compare himself with others and develops a sense of inferiority or, conversely, superiority over others.
4. You have been taught to be helpless
Some children are brought up to remain dependent on their parents despite their age. They are overly patronized, monitored and prevented from making independent decisions. They are not allowed to experiment, study the world, and make mistakes, so these children grow up feeling like they are no good for anything. In adulthood, such a person feels little control over his own life, because as a child, adults carefully controlled his every step.
In psychology, this state is called learned helplessness. The bottom line is that parents raise a child in such a way that he does not become completely independent. This will help him stay close to his parents and continue to meet their needs. Parents behave this way because they have an old, unresolved fear of being abandoned.
The consequences of living in such an environment
In response to these circumstances, humans develop defense and survival mechanisms. Some people begin to please everyone and sacrifice their own interests because they were taught from childhood to take care of others and suppress their true needs, emotions, interests and preferences. Others develop into narcissistic personalities who view the people around them as things to be used. Still others do not know how to live in the present, slow down and relax. They think all the time that they should achieve more or have more. Some get stuck in a helpless victim state and lead a passive life.
Such people all the time think that something is wrong. They feel unworthy, their life is not good enough, there is always cause for concern. They think they need to try even harder. They find it difficult to find real satisfaction in life. Many people do not acknowledge their childhood misfortunes and inner pain. Letting go of old roles and defense mechanisms is difficult, and many people fail to do so. Those who try to become the best version of themselves and get over the consequences of painful parenting end up reaping the fruits of active work on themselves and find happiness.