Living together is not always cloudless. There are crises, quarrels, misunderstandings. Sometimes hands are discouraged, but do not despair. Even if you don’t know what else to do, try these three tricks, and perhaps they will help make the relationship deeper and warmer than before.
1) keep each other warm
Do each other nice? Give gifts? Have romantic evenings? Perhaps you’ve already spent about half your life getting good and comfortable. And you are finally tired of it. There is no longer any desire to please, understand, listen.
It is difficult to stop criticizing and expressing endless claims, especially when you already have a huge list of them. However, it is quite possible to become kinder and softer, albeit difficult.
Why should you get into the position of your partner, even when he is acting disgustingly? The benefit and meaning is not at all to turn a blind eye to problems. On the contrary, kindness, respect, and generosity help to talk about difficulties sincerely and openly and then deal with them.
2. respect the differences
Living together implies respect for the characteristics of each partner. However, it is difficult to truly realize that a loved one may have a different truth. We are all confident that we know the truth, that we (and only we!) Live right and the world will be better if everyone does the same.
But in order to live with someone happily ever after, you have to realize that our differences do not mean that one is right and the other is not. It’s just that everyone has their own view of the situation. We all see reality through different filters, we perceive life taking into account social status, cultural characteristics, education, genetic factors, family history and psychological trauma.
In addition, we are used to dealing with anxiety and stress in different ways. One loves to communicate, the other needs privacy. One finds solace in sports, the other in sad music.
Respecting differences is not the same as letting our partner demean and limit us. This means that you will try to understand his truth, to admit that he thinks and feels differently. And you will not try to change it.
3.Do not push
Let’s imagine that you are the soul of the company, and your partner is reserved, taciturn, does not like to speak loudly and does not like to speak at all. You have serious battles on this occasion. And this despite the fact that once, even before marriage, you were attracted by these features in it.
What you fell in love with and what pisses you off right now are different sides of the same coin. After all, our shortcomings are the continuation of our merits.
Endless discussions of problems are not the only way to get closer. Psychologist Carol Tavris recalls: “Several years ago my husband had a test and was worried about the results, and before going to the hospital, we decided to have dinner with his best friend.
I thought that my husband would tell him about his fears, but it didn’t work out that way. They did not discuss tests, illness, anxiety. They laughed, recalled funny stories, discussed films. They didn’t have to show fear in order to feel the support and participation of the other. “
Accept that you and your partner calm down in different ways, support yourself in different ways. It will be easier for you to connect with your partner if you keep in mind that communication in marriage and the expression of love can take many forms. The partner does not like to chat, well, do not pester him, it is better to hug him.
Try these three tips in practice. Remember that sometimes we are too attached to rituals that no longer work. Therefore, try to look at the relationship, including through the eyes of another, respect his opinion and his ways of interacting with the world, and then, perhaps, it will be easier for you to confront difficulties together.