7. Reflect the feelings of the interlocutor, while maintaining a distance: “You seem to be excited.” If you think that the interlocutor is experiencing negative emotions, add “as if” and ask again: “It looks as if you were outraged by my ignorance – is it really so?”
8. Share your reaction. Monitor your feelings and talk about them when appropriate or necessary. As a rule, there are no difficulties with positive emotions (see item 3). And if you have unpleasant experiences, report it as an observation – from the standpoint of an observer: “You know, I feel some kind of disagreement inside me … a desire to object … This is curious – I want to object to a person with whom I am so interested in talking …”
9. Challenge. Instead of trying to please the other person, make him try to please you. This unexpected role reversal can spice up a conversation. As an example – a case at the defense of a dissertation. The speaker finished the main lecture, and the moment has come, which usually young scientists are most afraid of – when the presenter will say: “And now questions for the dissertation candidate.”
That time, as soon as these words of the presenter were heard, the dissertation candidate added: “Only, please, abruptly!” Opponents were confused – they were no longer thinking about how to “fill up” him, but about how interesting their questions would be. The young man turned them into an object of his evaluation.
10. Use quotation marks. In situations when you need to say something unpleasant to the interlocutor or ask a question that he does not want to hear, the technique of detachment or intonation quotes helps – you say what you think is necessary, but not on your own behalf. For example: “I would never ask this question myself, but I was asked to find out …”, “Now is a difficult moment, I don’t want to say this, but the management asked to convey it …” or “In my place, some tactless person could ask…” …
To maintain a friendly atmosphere, you can point out that this unpleasant episode will be taken out of the confidential conversation: “… And then we will immediately return to our conversation.”