Why do men stop calling after successful dates?
Man and woman
“There was everything: romantic dinners and bouquets, I drew the most radiant future, and then it suddenly disappeared,” psychologists often hear such stories from women who managed to idealize the image of a man and his future union with him for a short time. “There is always a reason for what has happened,” says psychologist Marina Meaus. Let’s try to figure out what could have preceded the disappearance of a partner.
Too fast sex
“I immediately felt: this is my man, we are well together, and on the second date there was intimacy between us,” recalls Maryana. – Not everything went smoothly on the first night, he was very worried, but I realized that I wanted to be with him. In the morning we talked about joint plans, it seemed to me that he was happy with me. However, since then he has not appeared again. ”
“Too fast sex can be the reason for the ending of the story, which could have a future under other circumstances,” says the psychologist. – And the point is not that a woman deprives a man of a pleasant opportunity to conquer her. First sex is extremely difficult to make romantic, but all responsibility for this falls on the man. He often has the so-called panic of the first meeting, because he still does not know you well enough to relax.
As a result, the man seems that he was not up to par, and in the future I do not want to remind myself of this. The psychological defense turns on: he convinces himself that everything is fine with him, he just didn’t like the woman. ”
In order for both people to enjoy the first sex, it is important for men to stop worrying too much about this. Many of them need time to start trusting a partner.
The lack of “chemistry”
“We met through mutual friends, began to meet, and all the witnesses of our nascent relationships noted that we are unusually suitable for each other,” Olga shares. “However, after several weeks of dating, he began to write less often, and I felt: losing interest.”
Body language: how to understand that you like each other
“A man can appreciate you as a close person, but perhaps he was simply not captured by the inexplicable magical state, which we are talking about as“ chemistry, ”Marina Meaus comments. – At first he feels: there is a lot in common between you and potentially you could become a couple, gives a chance to the relationship, however, the “butterflies in his stomach” that he expects do not appear. It’s good that he understands this and gives you the opportunity to find a person who will reciprocate your feelings. ”
Different social status
“Yes, I occupy a high position and make good money,” Marina explains. – And my new friend could not boast of the same, but it did not bother me at all. He is interesting, sincere, and for me it was more important than the difference in social achievements. However, when he learned the details of my professional life, I felt it confused him. Soon he began to refer to employment and our communication gradually came to naught. ”
“Upon learning of your success, a man might think that he would have to reach a new level. Perhaps, against your background, he did not want to feel worse, – suggests Marina Meaus. – In this case, psychological defenses also often work, and the person unconsciously turns the situation around: it seems to him that this woman is not good enough for him. He projects on it his own shortcomings, which are more difficult to recognize in oneself. ”
Fear of strong feelings
“He admitted to me that he rarely experienced what happened in those few weeks between us. And he added that it frightens him, ”Anna recalls. – I believed him – it’s impossible to play. There was literally electrical voltage between us. And then he suddenly disappeared. ”
“Perhaps the person did not plan anything serious with you, however, contrary to desire, he became emotionally attached,” the psychologist explains. – These internal changes scared him. It can be assumed that he did not want to lose control of himself, which is characteristic of narcissistic personalities. The only solution was to escape from strong feelings. ”
What to do in such situations
Look at what is happening through the eyes of the second side
If it is important for you to understand the reasons for what happened, try to put yourself in the place of another person. In therapy, they often use the empty chair technique when you build a dialogue on behalf of a partner and look at what happened with his eyes: how could he evaluate your meetings? This will help to move away from the imaginary image of a man and assess the situation more impartially.
Live your life
If a person disappeared, he had reasons for it. Do not hurt yourself with persistent calls and messages. “It’s better to switch your impulses to social activity,” suggests Marina Meaus. – Transform your emotional energy that destroys you into creative energy.
Make yourself a tight schedule of current tasks and activities – you should not have a single minute freedom. Take care of what you have planned for a long time, meet friends and other men. Then the excess energy directed now at the “missing from the radar” partner will gradually dissipate. A lack of attention can cause new interest in the other side, and then you will decide whether to continue the relationship. ”
If a man doesn’t appear anymore, it’s worth saying thanks to him for this: that means he has never been truly close and has not managed to take a significant place in your life.