Why do married women refuse sex


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Why do married women refuse sex

The couple’s sexual life can come to naught for various reasons. Our reader talks about situations when her friends refused an intimate relationship. Why do our desires cease to coincide and how both partners are responsible for this, the gestalt therapist Natalya Artsybasheva reflects.


“Not so long ago, we went on a joint trip with a group of friends. And although it was only one day, it was difficult for us to get together: most complained that they could not leave small children with her husband. For many, our short trip was a rare opportunity to devote time only to ourselves. When we talked frankly, it turned out that our friends were united by the fact that they had almost lost their sexual desire for partners. The reasons for this are obvious.

Husbands stopped listening and being interested in their life

Women complain that the life of their family began to resemble an established mechanism, where they are expected from them mainly to perform household chores. Many admit that their partners stopped even saying thank you for dinner, taking it for granted, not to mention being interested in the feelings and experiences of a loved one. “In the evenings, we only discuss the business plan for tomorrow: whoever takes the children from kindergarten and school, takes them to the sections and buys food,” they admit.

They married eternal boys who did not become men

Many husbands prefer to spend their free time at their own pleasure: with friends, at a football stadium, while traveling to an auto show or fishing. As a result, women find themselves with children alone. Even if formally husbands are at home, they usually sit in front of a TV or computer.

All tactile contacts come down to sex only.

These couples never walk holding hands and hug each other. Husbands do not kiss their wives just like that, not as a prelude. They get physical attention only when their partner is in a sexual relationship.

“Men are offended by the fact that women refuse to be close to them, believing that this is a way of manipulation. Instead, they should think that proximity is needed not only in bed, ”they say. Indeed, it is important for a woman to feel loved and desired, to feel the support and attention of her man, not only at those moments when he wants sex. ”

“If tenderness and trust are lost in a relationship, tactile contact with a partner can become unpleasant”

Natalya Artsybasheva, gestalt therapist

In all these stories, it is easy to catch a note of accusation against men. I do not want to blame either women or men, but I suggest thinking in terms of responsibility. Take at least a list of claims. How did you find that all the homework is now on you? It is clear that a man does not want to do it, but why do you do everything yourself from the very beginning, do not know how to ask for help and insist on your own? Is your husband not interested in your feelings and emotions? Are you interested in them yourself? Do you listen to yourself, do you love yourself?

This is fundamentally what’s here: either we are working together on relationships, or we are at enmity, blame each other, compete and transfer responsibility, that is, destroy what we started to build. A woman’s refusal of sex is often a silent cry for help, for accumulated insults and misunderstandings. But from the point of view of mutual responsibility, this is an infantile renunciation of self-care and the development of relations.

Without letting your partner understand you, you dig a hole in your sexual harmony

A partner cannot read thoughts and cannot keep track of changes that are happening to you. Silent about your needs, you just do not give him a chance to do something for you. If you yourself do not assume this responsibility – taking care of yourself – you will become very anxious. And what is the most common destructive way to relieve anxiety? Try to control everything. Automatically push a man from the position of an equal partner into the position of a child in the family.

It would seem, what does sex have to do with it? It’s simple: sexual relations can be between a man and a woman, but between the mother and son they are taboo. And they disappear quite often, signaling a similar imbalance.

In addition, female sexuality is designed so that if tenderness and trust are lost in a relationship, tactile contact with a partner can become unpleasant. And it’s not about punishing a partner, but about the work of an ancient evolutionary mechanism. Without letting your partner understand you, you dig a hole in your sexual harmony. Therefore, it is important to negotiate, communicate, offer and ask for help, resolve conflicts. It is ideal to establish a tradition of not going to bed until the accumulated grievances have been said and reconciled.

Prepared by: Sabina Safarova
Photo Source: Getty images

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