Three proven ways to start doing what you don’t want
Practices how to
Unlike most people, I like going to the doctors. Since childhood, I loved to be treated: I liked the vigor and confidence inherent in doctors, white dressing gowns and shiny tools, attentive questions – after all, they asked not only my mother, but also me. They spoke to me seriously, as with the “big one”, and at the same time affectionately and encouragingly. In general, I took a trip to the clinic all my life as an easy adventure: exciting, but with a happy ending.
However, a few years ago, I suddenly felt that something had changed. Despite active self-medication, I had a sore throat for two weeks, and it became clear: I should see a specialist. But I couldn’t. For some reason, this time the thought of doctors made me a vague, but very unpleasant sensation. Reason said it was necessary, but emotions were actively opposed. And this is with my love for doctors!
A month passed, and I could not force myself to go to the doctor. My throat was still sore, especially unbearable at night. When I complained about my strange behavior to my mother, she suddenly said: “It seems I know why you can’t convince yourself to go to the ENT.” And she told a story from my early childhood, when the ENT tried to lubricate my sore throat, and I burst out and cried until my mother and I just ran out of the office.
I listened to her story, and a completely forgotten (more precisely, “squeezed out” from my memory) case began to be restored with all the details, feelings, and memories. After this conversation, it immediately became easy for me. It turns out that since then I have continued to go to other doctors willingly, but at that time, the otolaryngologist was “cursed” by my unconscious. I took courage, once again reminded myself that that episode was in the distant past, and then calmly went to the clinic.
1. Analyze the past
So, if it’s hard for us to force ourselves to do something, it’s worth considering: are there unconscious, but at the same time persistent barriers erected by our emotional memory in the distant past? Perhaps they influence behavior and block today’s motivation? Of course, such “excavations” are best done with a specialist, but sometimes introspection can be quite fruitful.
An example from my practice. A client, a young musician, a descendant of a musical dynasty, once shared with me a seemingly insignificant problem. The music archive of his late grandfather, stored in one of the rooms of the Moscow apartment, has not yet been taken apart. For several months he made attempts to start this difficult business, but every time he put it off with annoyance. “Something inside prevents me from engaging in a rather interesting and important study of my grandfather’s inheritance,” – he formulated this problem.
Remembering and again “losing” an unpleasant episode, you can reduce the level of hidden pain and resentment
We began to investigate this “internal obstacle” until we reached a traumatic and therefore supplanted memory from my client’s preschool childhood. As it turned out, one day he misunderstood from the desktop of his grandfather (and grandfather was then alive and well) a stack of sheet music and painted them with paints. Grandfather was furious: it was his new work – and rather severely punished his grandson.
Since then, all the grandfather’s papers have become forbidden for the grandson, marked with the stamp “don’t touch!”. Over the years, this episode has “worn out” from the hero’s memory, turning into an unconscious, but powerfully emotionally charged layer of “unprocessed” memories. As a result of our joint efforts, this unpleasant episode was restored, “lost,” which allowed us to reduce the level of its hidden pain and resentment. Soon, the young man began to parse the archive – the “internal obstacle” lost its energy and strength.
2. Conduct pre-training
Let’s not forget: anticipation breeds desire. Sometimes we do not start seemingly necessary things simply because we are not ready. The head is occupied by another. For any serious business, you must internally “mature”. Gather strength, evaluate and find resources, set deadlines, work out an action plan, and then everything goes smoothly.
Here is a short life story told by a friend of mine.
“The thirteen-year-old daughter begged to make repairs in the kitchen and in the bathroom – she, you see, was ashamed to invite friends to our“ groomed hole ”. Indeed, repairs have long been required, but how I did not want to start it! Discomfort, money, constant cleaning … I, as I could, delayed the start of this event, despite the requirements of my daughter. And then a familiar psychologist told me about the “preparation” methodology. That was what we needed!
I immediately planned the start of the repair – in a month, not earlier. She announced a decision to her daughter and girlfriends so that there was no way to “slip away” from their obligations. Agreed with a qualified and reliable team. Together with them, made an action plan. Dragged all things from the future “battlefield”. During this time, I managed to prepare myself mentally: I raked work matters so that I could not flee home and tune into a temporary “mobilization regime” of life. And when the deadline came, I dreamed of starting repairs as soon as possible.
Now I wanted wonderful transformations no less than my daughter, and was ready for future challenges. That’s what it means – preliminary announcement, detailed planning, system organization and enhanced moral preparation! ”
3. Use your motivation techniques.
But what if you need to get down to business quickly? You will have to urgently look for ways and instruments of motivation that are effective specifically for you. In fact, we all know these methods very well, the main thing is to turn to them consciously.
Perspective-oriented people are very motivated by the “image of the future result”. It is enough for them to mentally focus on the advantages that they will receive as a result of a successfully completed business, and they immediately begin work. Vivid visualization and imaginary stay in the desired future help some “turn mountains”. But what a wise manager found a way.
“I needed to learn German from work,” he says. – I had neither desire, nor time, nor ability to languages. What to do? Knowing my characteristics, I went to a language group and mentally chose an active, motivated student of approximately my age and circle. This student, without realizing it, became my competitor and “engine of progress”.
The excitement appeared – to defeat him, to prove to everyone that I am smarter and more capable than the one who seems the best. The criterion is the final exam and intermediate assessments of the teacher. My competitive, competitive nature did not disappoint: during the year of study, the battle was won. I passed the exam perfectly and got more points than my talented classmate. What about the language? Well, of course, I had to learn it. Without this, my victory would have been impossible. ”
The farther you move, the easier it is – the business you’ve already started makes sense, form, value, and you’d like to bring it to completion
There is another option in my notebook of observations. “As a strong-willed person, I can force myself to do what is necessary, but I do not want to. Usually, willpower is enough for the first step, then it weakens, ”said another client of mine, an employee of a large company. “But I found a great way: if I take not one, but two steps on the path to the result, then I’ll get involved in the matter and it will be easier to continue it.”
I remember that I had to prepare a big presentation for the year. It was required to read many reports, collect figures and facts. At first I tried to divide the work into small stages. But each stage took a lot of energy, since doing all this was boring, painful, chore. But then I decided to devote the presentation all day – and the work went.
I felt the taste of dry analytics, I delved into the data, imagined how they can be presented visually and beautifully. By midnight, the main substantive work was completed – much earlier than planned. And all just because I did not stop at the first stage, but went on. And the further you move, the easier it is – the business you’ve already started makes sense, form, value, and you’d like to bring it to completion. ”
Of course, there are many ways to get yourself to work. Your task is to choose what is right for you. Open the diary and see what kind of things are regularly transferred from one week to another? If they are important, then why did you doom them to endless procrastination? It is time to understand this and begin to execute them. Not putting off. With inspiration. With a good result.