“Strange” people: the art of being a “black sheep”
Man among people
Outcasts, losers, freaks, “white crows” … Representatives of this “flock” have many names. But common features – a minimum. Even if we try very hard, it will be difficult for us to find two “weirdoes” that are alike. And precisely in their talents, in features lies their inner strength.
Pain familiar to everyone
People who find it difficult to find a common language with others often complain about being alone. But not only this feeling rules their life: they are well aware of shame, fear, a sense of guilt. Among our acquaintances, there will certainly be someone who finds a common language with any interlocutor and feels at ease, even after falling into a new company.
“But even such people are not really immune from the feeling of their own awkwardness, the feeling that you are out of sync with the outside world. What can we say about those who have been confused and have communication difficulties all their lives, ”says Leon Seltzer, Doctor of Psychology.
We assume that losers are such strange, eccentric creatures that are separated, like a glass wall, from everyone else. It seems to us that they are – and only they! – cannot communicate with others. But the experience of discomfort is actually not specific to a particular part of society.
Moreover, this feeling is more influenced by social norms and unwritten rules, which are not always consistent with our ideals. But the personal characteristics of a particular person do not play such a significant role.
The good news is that most of the growing “losers” leave uncertainty far behind
It turns out that in one way or another, in one or another period of life, each of us experienced in our own skin what it means to be an outcast. Sometimes we are simply not able to adapt to some models of correct and incorrect behavior in a particular community. We can differ from others in such a huge number of parameters that could it be otherwise?
Behavior, like appearance, is often deceptive, and it is human nature to change. Those who today can easily find a common language with others could have experienced great difficulties in childhood. Someone admits that in his youth he was rarely called for general parties. Someone says that he was bullied by classmates. Adolescence is a time of defenselessness.
The good news is that most of the grown-up “losers” leave uncertainty far behind in childhood and adolescence. Such people, over the years, have less and less concern about how much their thoughts and behavior reflect the prejudices of the people.
Eccentrics: instructions for use
Not all so-called outcasts are the same. One part of them is consciously trying to imitate the more “socially successful” people around it, while the other is not trying to change the situation at all. The latter, in spite of everything, demonstrate a huge supply of courage and stamina. And these qualities help them make an informed choice of their own path. Indeed, courage and perseverance are urgently needed for someone who rejects cultural norms or does not obey the requirements of society.
It is likely that these “tin soldiers” once also tried to change their behavior for the sake of a “normal” society, before they realized that these attempts threatened their integrity. How to determine if you are the same eccentric, an outcast, a “black sheep”? Most likely, you are one of these interesting guys, if:
- You are seriously passionate about something that is not of interest to most people around you;
- You are sensitive and prone to creativity;
- Your few friends are like you;
- You are not antisocial, but prone to introversion and, in principle, like to be alone;
- You do not like gossip and empty talk;
- You tend to worry;
- You try to show interest in others, but on the whole they don’t take you very much;
- You fight fiercely for every millimeter of your self-esteem (exactly until the moment when you realize that all your “features” are absolutely normal!)
We should remember that the term “mismatch” – if we talk about how a person behaves – is very subjective. It is due to the specific cultural characteristics of those places of the community where we live. What is considered inappropriate behavior in the outback will not be perceived as such in a large city.
Most of the so-called outcasts nevertheless make attempts to join the society, but, as a rule, give up quickly because of their indecision. However, usually people are attuned to them, if not hostile, then at least wary: the peculiarities of “eccentrics” can make ordinary people feel uncomfortable or even feel a vague threat.
But actually, any of us – even the one who seems very, very strange to us – deserves to be treated kindly. The efforts of the “white crows”, seeking to comply with the standards, prevent them from being true to their “I”. And this makes their struggle for their place in society a matter not only useless, but also unjust.
After all, an attempt to adapt to norms that are incompatible with their own nature makes “eccentrics” forget about the need to accept themselves. That is, honestly admit to ourselves not only who we are, but also who we certainly are not. Even if you consider yourself an outcast, you should remember: you have as many reasons to be proud of yourself as others do, despite the fact that the world does not want or is not able to appreciate your uniqueness.
Strengths of Strange People
“Perhaps the one who seems to us to be a black sheep is simply better aware of what their life goals specifically require. The realization of these intentions becomes the highest priority for these people, ”Leon Seltzer thinks. But should not each of us strive for this? Losers have talents, and are usually very unusual. It is important for them to reconcile with their own identity and realize their uniqueness, stop comparing themselves with others.
Of course, it’s great to be able to find a common language with someone who is not like us. But this does not oblige us to hide our uniqueness or “perfect” it to such an extent that it will make us clones of some abstract others. Once “losers” are determined with the main goal in life, they cease to attach great importance to the fact that they can not find their “flock”.
Having dealt with priorities, they can live the life that suits them. And do not hide your true face from others. When this happens, they no longer care if anyone wants to make friends with them. Because they finally find their most faithful friends – themselves. In the end, why did someone decide that being the same as the rest was right?