For sex and arousal, context is extremely important: what is happening to you at the moment. “When you tie your child’s shoes and your partner slaps you on a soft spot, it’s annoying. And if he spanks you when you are making love, you perceive it as a very sexual gesture, ”writes Emily Nagoski in the book“ How a Woman Wants ”.
The mismatch between context and state is usually noticeable. For example, if you come to a children’s matinee and see a woman who is openly dressed, brightly painted and flirting with dads, you may feel irritated because the context (children’s holiday) and the model of behavior, the state of a particular person, do not match.
Forced isolation certainly affects context, and our sexual relationship can suffer from it. If earlier we “lived” in one day several different lives – parent, spouse, co-worker, lover – now we are constantly in the same situation.
It is very difficult, spending all day in leggings and with a bun on your head, to become a passionate tigress in the evening! How can we “turn on” the inner Monica Bellucci?
We act in context
“To successfully switch between states, it’s important to keep context in mind. Train yourself to change modes: “I am a parent”, “I am a lover”, “I am a spouse”, “I am a leader”, “I am an employee,” says psychologist and sexologist Maria Shelkova.
It’s not easy in the current environment, but it’s worth a try. It may take some effort, but to keep it simple, follow the helpful tips. After all, the context is not only a specific situation, but also the environment around you.
“Divide your home space into zones in which one is allowed, but the other is prohibited. For example, you can have serious or everyday conversations with your husband in the kitchen or office area, but in no case should you transfer them to bed. If you follow this rule, the matrimonial bed will become a zone of relaxation and enjoyment for you. And this will help to consolidate the role of a lover – when you are in the bedroom, ”says the expert.
Safety in the bedroom
Contraceptive rules remain the same as before quarantine, but they need to be adhered to even stricter, says Maria Shelkova.
“If you catch some unpleasant disease, you immediately plant immunity. And if suddenly, during quarantine, you met a new partner (for example, on the Internet or online application), ask him to be tested for coronavirus. This is normal, you will feel better this way, ”the expert warns.
And calmness and confidence will definitely help you to relax and have fun.
Do not neglect the safety rules even if you have found your other half long ago. This may sound funny, but remember: WHO recommends doing wet cleaning more often and ventilating the room.
“Consider disinfecting the room with quartz lamps,” the psychologist advises. This will definitely not kill romance, unlike malicious viruses and bacteria. In addition, a husband who picks up a mop can awaken many new desires in you.
Time to try new things
Let’s say you and your partner are equally captivated by the idea of a forced vacation in bed. And right now is the time to try something that you have not dared to do before. Maria Shelkova is sure: today you can afford everything, or almost everything. The main thing is to observe safety measures and negotiate what is permitted on the shore.
Maria Shelkova offers several life hacks for those who want to survive isolation with a twinkle:
- The virtual reality industry is actively developing now. You can order a VR headset to your home and explore “adult” content with it, having an experience that you would not dare to in real life. In virtual reality, this is possible, no one will judge – this is just a game, and for many it will become a bright emotional discovery. You can order two helmets and have fun with your partner.
- You can try role-playing games. The entire wardrobe is at your disposal – change the look at your pleasure.
- Order toys from the online sex shop that have long attracted your attention. There is usually a description and tips for beginners. They can be used alone or for additional stimulation during sex with a partner.
- Blindfolded sexual experience will enhance tactile sensations: they will become brighter many times over.
- Finally, for fun, you can try light practices from the BDSM culture. The most important thing is to remember about safety. No hard impacts: avoid places where the bone is close to the skin; you can only spank where there are large muscles. No tight binding – just wide straps and bands. To practice this seriously requires special training. Taking care of your partner and following the rules in BDSM is most important.
I want nothing!
It may also happen that we responsibly approached isolation: tuned in to the positive, bought toys and contraceptives – but there is no desire … We gnaw ourselves: will the forced vacation go down the drain? Having fallen into a panic, trying to do everything “right” (after all, it’s a great chance, we are not in a hurry anyway), we begin to bother our partner or ourselves.
“We bought toys – let them lie! The dollar has grown, so the purchase is profitable, let it warm the soul. But forcing ourselves to have sex is the most harmful thing we can do for libido. There should not be any violence against oneself and others in an intimate sense! Yes, sometimes the appetite comes with eating, but this is definitely not about fighting with yourself and imposing your desires on your loved ones, ”the expert says.
What should we do if right now, when, it would seem, is the time for a love marathon, we don’t feel like African passions at all?
“In times of stress, care and a sense of security are important. There are many ways to take care of yourself and others without coitus, ”recalls Maria Shelkova.
We can just stroke our beloved, scratch behind his ear, hug under a blanket, picking up our favorite books. To dance to “that very slow”. And to be penetrated or not, is not so important. “When we give ourselves the freedom to want sex, we must acknowledge our partner’s freedom not to want sex — and vice versa. Otherwise, our own freedom is worthless, ”Maria Shelkova is sure.