Relationship after break
Man and woman
Since the moment you broke up with your partner, enough time has passed, and it would seem like you could think about a new relationship. But! The mere thought of meeting another person terrifies you. Common situation?
To start a new relationship after a breakup, divorce or hard separation, it takes a special courage. You may be in the “I want to fall in love, but I’m afraid” state. Or just since the last time you met someone and / or met, a lot of time has passed.
Letting a stranger into life is not easy, but, according to our experts, this also has undeniable advantages. It is at this time that the opportunity arises to create a different, happier future for oneself.
Before plunging headlong into a whirlpool of new relationships, it is worth taking a break and assessing possible prospects. To do this, it is necessary to analyze the previous relationship, understand what exactly went wrong and why the relationship was broken. Thus, you will increase the chances that next time you can avoid this.
“It is very important to evaluate your role in the fact that the relationship did not work out,” explains family psychotherapist Elena Ulitova. Ask yourself: when did you and your partner have the most serious misunderstandings? What was the most common cause of quarrels? Could you now, when the emotional intensity is reduced, do something else? Honest answers will help build a relationship after the breakup so as not to make previous mistakes.
Meeting a new worthy partner is always a success, and you cannot know exactly when it will happen.
Think about what strengthened the relationship and what prevented them. People tend to change everything at once, but you don’t want to destroy everything at the same time? Therefore, it is extremely important to analyze not only problems and difficulties, but also carefully consider the good that was in the relationship.
“And also to understand what we can get from what our partner gave us today, and for what we need other people,” comments Elena Ulitova. In any love affair, there is something that allows her to be, even if after a while a break in relations occurs.
What did you like about your former partner? Why did you choose him? Which of its positive qualities would you like to discover with your new partner? The clearer you represent the image of someone you want to see next to, the easier it will be for you to understand when meeting a new person whether you have a future together or not.
Getting ready for a meeting
To meet a new worthy partner is always a success, and you cannot know when exactly this will happen. But it is in your power to prepare for this meeting.
Start small. For example, register on a dating site, tell your friends that you are ready for a new relationship, announce to everyone your new status – “I want to fall in love”! .. The more people will know that you are in search, the more chances are that among the circle their acquaintances may be an interested person.
Come up with a profile that you could post on a dating site. Do it anyway, even if you don’t want to register there: it will help you feel like a person ready for a relationship. Next step: ask friends to make your portrait. Let them describe all your virtues without false modesty.
Determine what you want from the relationship, what you can give to another, what is important for you in a new stage of life
Elena Ulitova recommends working on improving self-esteem, recalling those moments of your biography that were successful. It is also important to set realistic goals.
“You should not demand tremendous success from yourself,” says the therapist. – Sometimes it’s enough to wash the dishes or go on business to feel like a winner. Do not be afraid to praise yourself. Look for confirmation that you are all in a lock. ”
The next step: try to determine what you want from the relationship, what you can give to another, which is fundamentally important for you at the new stage of life … If you take these questions seriously, the answers to them will help you understand yourself and protect yourself from those with who are not on your way.
Open to new
Perhaps your heart has already been broken once. Perhaps the breakdown occurred due to the fact that the former said or did unpleasant things. Make a decision to leave this in the past and move on. This may take some time, but as soon as you allow yourself to leave the burden of problems and suffering and turn the page, the plan “I want to fall in love” with all the ensuing consequences in the form of romantic dates and meetings will begin to be realized.
Try not to defend yourself when meeting a new person. If because of fear of rejection or because of self-doubt you do not allow yourself to open up, to be yourself, it will be difficult for another to understand what you want. Be open, friendly and laid-back. Try not to think only about what impression you make.
Your companion most likely feels just as anxious and insecure. If you show your interest in getting to know each other, be attentive to your interlocutor, start asking questions, you will certainly make a good impression.
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