“My mistake is number …”: why women choose the “wrong” partners


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“My mistake is number …”: why women choose the “wrong” partners

When the search for the “right” life partner comes to a standstill, women are deeply disappointed and ask questions about what is wrong with them, in which they made a mistake. Social psychologist Madeleine Fougeres is sure: when we are looking for a partner for a strong relationship, we need to be aware of our instinctive impulses. Women do not bother to know that men, to whom they are attracted, as a rule, are not inclined to long alliances.

What do we rely on when choosing a partner, the relationship with which ultimately turns out to be short-lived? What mistakes are made and how to avoid them? Here are a few criteria.

1. Physical attractiveness

Not each of us recognizes that the physical attractiveness of a potential partner is important to her. But the facts are clear: handsome men undoubtedly attract heterosexual women more, which is confirmed, among other things, by the study of American social psychologists Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick.

In part, this attraction is unconscious and has evolutionary roots: more masculine and symmetrical facial features indicate good gene quality. We are also not indifferent to other positive qualities that seem to go hand in hand with physical attractiveness. It’s about a bright personality and the ability of a person to lead an active life.

And yet, those who are looking for a long-term, stable relationship, it is better to leave attractive men alone. Studies prove that handsome men are more likely to cheat on partners. In addition, they get divorced more often – probably because it is difficult for them to resist the opportunities that promise a new relationship.

2. Sexy voice

Women are often attracted to men with sexy voices. They generally prefer deeper, masculine voices that serve as an indicator of high testosterone levels. Moreover, women find men with a pleasant timbre more attractive and find them more pleasant in character. At the same time, men themselves do not seek to live up to high expectations: they have more sexual intercourse, they often cheat on partners with whom they are in a long-term relationship.

Studies show that it is among men with deep sexual voices that there are especially many seducers who tend to unfaithful women who are already married. You should not consider these seducers as long-term partners.

3. Men in a relationship

Heterosexual women are often drawn to men who are already in a relationship. This is called “choosing a partner as a result of copying”: if a man received “prior approval” from one woman, others also begin to find him attractive. Moreover, they give preference to those men who have girlfriends or lovers, and not wives.

Why to seek a man who already has a partner is not a good idea if your main goal is a long-term relationship? If a man is ready to leave his beloved for your sake, then he will most likely do the same with you when a more interesting option appears.

To avoid this mistake will help to gain more sexual experience. Experienced women are more confident in choosing a partner and do not feel the need to copy the choice of others.

Meet the right men

If you are aiming for a short and vivid romance, then a physically attractive man with a sexy voice can be an ideal partner. But for a strong long-term relationship, it is worth looking for men by other parameters. Mutual respect is more important for a successful long-term partnership.

It is more than love, correlated with a sense of satisfaction from an ongoing relationship, as well as honesty. In addition, the more we learn, love and respect each other, the less important physical attractiveness is to maintain a long-term relationship.

About the Author: Madeleine Fougere, Professor of Social Psychology at the University of Eastern Connecticut, author of The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relations.
Prepared by: Maria Fedotova
Photo Source: Getty images

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