“My light, mirror”: how to learn to accept your appearance


It is generally accepted that beautiful people are a priori more confident in themselves, but in fact, appearance has nothing to do with self-esteem. People with perfect facial symmetry can find flaws in themselves, and those who do not differ in the correct proportions can be quite pleased with themselves.

In order to please themselves, some choose a radical way to change their appearance, and the beauty industry, with its rapidly developing opportunities, is reaching out to them a friendly hand. We take into account the medical risks associated with these manipulations, but rarely think about other delayed consequences of sudden transformation.

“Sometimes we part with those small but important markers by which our future partner unconsciously chooses us,” says Elena Lanskaya, a cognitive therapist. – Eliminating, as it seems, imperfections: a mole, a hump on the nose, a chink on a tooth, we erase our release marks, which the partner unconsciously reads. Very often his mother or father possessed the same “flaw”, and it was this in us that was especially dear to man. “

It turns out that if we accept ourselves only by changing our outward appearance, we simultaneously rob ourselves. So when is it worth to improve something in your appearance? It would seem, why not get rid of excess weight by surgery, if it will allow us to look better and feel better, without making much effort? And where is the line when it is worth stopping?

Only we ourselves can answer these questions. However, psychologists recommend several techniques that will help you enjoy looking at your reflection in the mirror.

1. Stop complaining about your flaws

Even if you find a thousand flaws in yourself and they excite you, you should not discuss them with other people. “In our group there was a girl who at first seemed not very pretty to me, but she herself did not at all consider herself a gray mouse. She behaved like a confident beauty and constantly talked about dates, – Anastasia recalls. – Soon I, like all fellow students, was sure that she was really very pretty. All the years of our study, she enjoyed success with the opposite sex. “

“When a person is confident in himself, including in his appearance, this attitude is transmitted to those around him,” says psychologist Marina Miaus. “The opposite is also true: by endless criticism, you make other people feel like you really are full of flaws.”

It is all the more important not to put up with people in your environment who criticize your appearance. If this is a close person with whom you cannot interrupt communication, tell him directly that from now on you do not want to hear comments addressed to you.

2. Celebrate your own achievements

Small victories in any areas that are important to you raise self-esteem and in relation to appearance. “Having started giving lectures, which quickly became popular, and realizing that I could hold the audience, I felt more confident in my appearance,” Alina shares. – So gradually my professional relevance, which gave me financial independence, helped to overcome the lack of confidence in my external data.

“Pride in your successes often gives you the feeling that you have something to love yourself for,” says Marina Myaus. – There is a holistic acceptance of oneself, including one’s appearance. Therefore, self-development and acceptance of one’s physical shell often go hand in hand. “

3. Try to perceive disadvantages as advantages

Perhaps the example of other women, whose appearance was far from the canons of beauty, but who managed to achieve success, and often even universal adoration, will help you. This is the legendary Coco Chanel, who did not have the right facial features, and Barbra Streisand, who made an imperfect nose her highlight.

The stars of the reality show Kardashian managed to present their forms, from the generally accepted point of view, considered a disadvantage, as a new fashion trend. Turning your, it seems, imperfection into dignity will only emphasize your uniqueness.

4. Get a companion who appreciates you

“I often come across very beautiful women who have been psychologically destroyed by their constant criticizing partner,” says Marina Miaus. – Under the guise of caring, they are asked to gain weight or lose weight, change the style of clothing. Sometimes this happens if a man has always liked a different type of woman, but for some reason he decided to be with this particular partner.

Over time, your partner may start comparing you to others. And even if the level of culture and upbringing does not allow him to speak offensive words openly, this will indirectly affect the relationship. Therefore, often in unions that begin with a strong and passionate love, where partners are admired, including the outward appearance of their other half, people are more inclined to accept and forgive each other than in families, which were formed rather by “psychological calculation.”

A feeling of love unconsciously makes us understand that this is a close person – including at the sensory and physiological level.

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