Married, but still a single mother?

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Married, but still a single mother?

Many married women are emotionally attached to their status. Yes, it is to status, and this is far from always equal to attachment to a spouse. In modern society, it is no longer customary to call single adult women “old maids”, but an unmarried woman with a child causes, if not rejection, then interest: how did it happen? Perhaps it is precisely for these women who have not received any help from husbands for a long time that they need a formal marriage – for peace of mind?

It’s not a secret for anyone that even with a ring on the finger and all the relying documents, many mothers do not actually receive support from their husbands in raising children, not to mention equal partnership and separation of all parental responsibilities.

Writer and blogger Ossiana Tefphenhart formulated 12 signs that you became a single mother while still in an official marriage.

1. Most of the homework and caring for children is your responsibility, and you do not have respite.

2. You not only take care of children and the house, but also are responsible for finances.

3. You often take offense at your husband for meeting friends and daytime sleep. You have no way to relax that way.

4. You no longer expect your spouse to invite you on a date or just to invite you to dine out.

5. If something from household appliances breaks down, you will not only not ask your husband for help – it will not even occur to you to tell about this.

6. The husband requires so much care and attention that you perceive him as another child

7. You do not miss your spouse when he is at work, it is just hard for you from constant loneliness.

8. Even if you imagine that you will be left alone tomorrow, your daily routine is unlikely to change.

9. If you have an affair, your husband is unlikely to notice it.

10. You feel cheated: the marriage was not at all what you imagined it was.

11. You have stopped turning to your husband for help because you know that he will only ask you to stop “cutting him”.

12. You feel lonely and suffer from isolation.

Being a single mother: several advantages

Even if the husband has become an obvious burden, it is not easy to decide on a divorce if you have common children.

Blogger Elizabeth Laura Nelson herself went through a divorce. Here are five reasons why she enjoys being a single mother.

1. The absence of “irritant” in the morning

Being married, in the morning I managed to make breakfast, walk the dog, gather all the family members with me, find the missing mittens and separate the fighting children, while my husband only sleepily wandered from bed to the kitchen. Watching him leisurely drink morning coffee, I lost my patience. The scandal began.

A single mother still has the same responsibilities and the same morning chores. But at least I no longer have to freak out watching someone enjoy coffee instead of helping me.

2. The ability to spend the weekend at your discretion

It was difficult for me to part with my daughters when, for the first time after the divorce, they went to my father for the weekend, but I got at my disposal the whole weekend. I can go out of town or go dancing at night. And all this – without disapproving comments from her husband and without regard to his interests.

3. The right to establish their own rules

My home is my rule. And no more bickering like: “But dad allowed me to eat chips on the couch …” Do I take full responsibility for what is happening? Of course. But I also regulate the rules common to all, because I’m an adult here.

4. Reunion with friends

The last years of the marriage were very stressful, I moved away from my friends. On the one hand, I did not want to talk about problems, but I also had no strength to support the image of a happy wife and mother. Only after the divorce did I restore relations with many close people, and our mutual assistance and support give me more than I received from my legal spouse.

5. New dreams

Marriage is lulled by the promise of stability. A married woman knows exactly who she will wake up next to, who will be with her in old age. And this is not bad – as long as all these thoughts about living together bring joy.

How did I decide to divorce as a mother of two children? I asked myself: “Do I want my daughter to remain in a marriage in which she is unhappy?” No, I wanted to show her that it’s never too late to change something in life.

Prepared by: Yana Belenkaya
Photo Source: Getty images

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