“I haven’t had sex in ten years.”


There has been no sex for almost ten years. How did it happen? You never thought it would come to this. But now, as soon as the relationship goes beyond coffee and talking, you try to stop communication. Why? After all, it would seem that desire should prevail.

In fact, not everything is so simple. Fear, self-doubt make it difficult to relax. You start thinking, “There is something wrong with me. If I tell the truth, I will look ridiculous. And am I able to please someone? Evoke desire, passion? ” It’s easier to run and hide. But what is the reason for this behavior?

“Be kinder to your body: you have the right to joy and enjoyment”

Pamela Connolly, sexologist

“If you are at least ready for sexual intercourse, that’s good. However, in any case, you will have to take a risk, because, most likely, the first experience after such a long break will bring a lot of experiences, no matter how experienced the partner is.

Of course, you should be prepared in advance for surprise, rejection, ridicule – this is a very important part of working on a problem. As soon as you encounter something like this, inhale, exhale and … continue!

Try to concentrate on increasing the number of your friendships with men. Communicate, and sooner or later you will meet someone with whom you allow yourself to go further. You will be surprised how easy it is for you to get out of your comfort zone and surrender to your desires.

And make a promise to yourself that you will be kinder to your body: you have the right to joy and pleasure.

Try not to worry about potential partners or their judgments about your abstinence. By the way, they don’t need to know about it. And if you do decide to tell about it, then many men will simply think that you have high standards. “

“In our time, the lack of sex life is a personal choice”

Galina Dmitrieva, psychologist-sexologist

A long break in sexual activity can certainly be harmful to the human body, both psychologically and physically.

In the first case, you do not get discharge (masturbation is, of course, good, but it will not save you from sexual dissatisfaction), and in the second, problems with the reproductive system may arise due to the outflow of blood from the genitals.

Basically, it’s like quitting the gym or jogging in the morning. Yes, it is not very good for health, but no one will blame you for this, because they have no right to do so. In our time, the lack of sex life is a personal choice, and not a synonym for being unclaimed by the opposite sex.

If during all this time you have not met a suitable man with whom you would like to have sex, then this is only your business. Don’t let other people dictate who you go to bed with, much less laugh at your decision.

If you do decide to share information about your sex break with a man, you should not give a specific date when you stopped having sex. Believe me, the number of years without sex is not very important for our body. You would be equally scared and embarrassed, both after 3 years of hiatus, and after 10.

The main thing now is to step over this barrier and relax. This can be done in two ways:

1. Psychotherapy. That is, to understand yourself, to understand what exactly scares you in this situation and what specifically worries you. In this case, it is better to contact a specialist: consulting a sexologist will help overcome the barrier on the way to intimacy.

2. Finding inspiration. Remember how good the sex was, how you liked it, tune in to the sexual wave. You can watch erotic films, listen to sensual music.

“Rehearsal” or training in the sexual situation also helps very well. Go to a sex workshop, or even practice a couple of techniques in sex training.

Discussing sexual issues, jokes will help you tune in the appropriate mood. Thanks to this, there will be a feeling that there was no break at all, and sex after a long time-out will cease to scare.

About the expert

Galina Dmitrieva

Galina Dmitrieva – psychologist-sexologist, “Training Center” SEKS.RF “

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