How to protect yourself in a relationship with a daffodil
Man among people
Practices how to
1. Do not let the daffodil decide for you who you really are. “Only you can decide who you really are. Daffodils are very good at instilling their ideas about us (usually not the most specious), ”says psychotherapist Shari Stains. Reject any “labels” that this person hangs on you – whether it is about your appearance, personality traits, mind, or something else.
Try to get to know yourself better. Daffodils often project their flaws on others (be it laziness, selfishness, inability to handle money or something else), and their partners often take these allegations on faith. To counter them, it is important to maintain a positive self-esteem.
2. Do not give him power over yourself. Do not allow another person to be responsible for your decisions, thoughts and feelings. Even if his behavior scares you, do not succumb to fear. “To become the master of your life again, it’s important to develop a plan to counteract attempts at control and management,” explains Shari Steins.
It is important to feel like a strong and independent person. Remember that the only way to break out from under his power is to be steadfast and not to yield.
3. Be true to yourself. If you live with a daffodil, it is very difficult to do this, but still try to do everything in the way that would be best for you. Do not think about what is best before him. “Surely so far your needs and requirements were the main ones in your relationship, and yours were not even taken into account. To change this unhealthy pattern, start doing what works best for you, ”says Shari Steins.
Yes, you will inevitably encounter fierce resistance – be prepared for the worst. To heal the mental wounds inflicted by the daffodil and to become healthier and more prosperous, you will have to show firmness and stamina.
4. Share your finances. Daffodils tend to either completely control all the spending, or, conversely, recklessly throw money. Both options do not bode well for you. Therefore, it is so important to share your finances. You will be responsible only for your money, and your partner-narcissist – for your own. If you are a non-working housewife, start a separate bank account and find a way to become financially independent.
“Even if you are not the main“ earner ”in the family, you still have the right to own income and to participate in the distribution of the family budget,” Shari Stains emphasizes.
5. Do not try to speak with someone who does not want to listen to you. If your daffodil partner has stopped talking to you, do not try to overcome his resistance, it is better to switch to your affairs. Call a friend. Go for a walk. Play with the kids.
“Do not waste your time and energy trying to attract the attention of a person who does not care about you. Stop “knocking on a blank wall,” advises Sheri Stines. What your partner does is a real mockery of you. If you need to somehow express your feelings about this, talk with friends or keep a diary. Find a healthy outlet for your emotions.
6. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated. Manipulation can be completely unobvious. A partner can intimidate you, put pressure on a sense of duty or guilt. Some manipulators like to portray innocence; this is a very effective strategy.
“In order not to become a victim, first of all think about what methods of manipulation your partner uses most often, describe them in writing and remember them all the time. If you feel that you are about to fall into his trap, firmly say “stop” to yourself. Repeat to yourself the mantra: “Watch, but not get involved,” recommends Shari Stynes.
Mentally encourage yourself, reminding you that you are absolutely not obliged to participate in this game, even if you are persistently offered. Learn to say no. Just ignore him and leave.
7. Rejoice at life. Do not let anyone deprive you of this joy. The daffodils themselves are always dissatisfied and seem to radiate an aura of discontent around themselves. Remember this and try not to succumb to this negative influence. Always look for reasons to be grateful to life.
8. Focus on yourself. You cannot change anyone but yourself, so don’t even try. Do not waste a minute of your precious life, trying to make someone better understand you, take them seriously, take care of you, love you more, etc.
Better learn to deal with the pain and frustration that inevitably arise in such an unequal relationship. Yes, your partner rejects you, but the main thing is that you do not reject yourself!
By setting boundaries in relations with the daffodil, you provoke his aggression
9. Do not defend yourself. Daffodils love to make us defend ourselves. They attack us, knowing exactly our weaknesses. If you notice that you are starting to make excuses, stop, take a deep breath, remind yourself that you haven’t done anything wrong, and refuse to play by its rules.
Narcissus is pleased to watch you tormented by guilt. He believes that you are a bad person, and tries to convince you of this. He spends all his psychic energy, condemning you and analyzing your “bad” qualities. This allows him to feel superior. This can go on as long as you have a relationship. With this in mind, do not agree to play his games.
10. Do not imitate the behavior of the daffodil. Have you ever noticed that a person who treats you inappropriately provokes the manifestation of worse qualities? The fact is that we all unconsciously imitate each other’s behavior.
When you start to behave terribly, scream, scold and violently criticize your partner, the reason is that you, like a mirror, reflect the chaos that is happening in his soul. You involuntarily become a copy of it. It is natural for a person to eventually become somewhat similar to those with whom he closely communicates.
But this tendency needs to be fought, paying attention to situations in which you begin to imitate the worst qualities of your partner. If you notice that you begin to show qualities that you hate – the tendency to criticize everything, revenge, outbursts of anger, contempt for others, inability to forgive, etc. – it is important to consciously suppress them.
You need to train your ability to resist. For this, it is important to understand what mirror reflection, projection and introjection are. We “mirror” those around us, imitating their behavior. The projection is that the daffodil ascribes to us his own qualities.
We, in turn, ourselves begin to believe that we possess these qualities (introjection). Most often, daffodil partners have developed empathy, “absorbing” emotions and patterns of behavior of others.
11. Be adamant. By setting boundaries in relations with the daffodil, you provoke his aggression. He will take your boundaries as a personal insult. Your desire to defend your independence will cause unavoidable consequences. Remember that you are fighting for yourself. Fearing and avoiding these unpleasant consequences, you sacrifice your personality. This is unacceptable and dangerous.
“To withstand the pressure from the narcissus, you must be strong and unyielding. Do not give up and never stop believing in yourself, ”emphasizes Shari Steins.
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