We are waiting for the meeting, we are imagining how it will be. But after the first date there is a residue – something is wrong. You can’t really explain it to yourself, but you understand that it is tempting to stop responding to messages and ignore the likes on Instagram. And even the second and third dates do not convince that it is worth continuing the communication. How can you help yourself deal with conflicting feelings?
1. He is not as I imagined
First of all, let’s face it: in reality, there are no princes and princesses of dreams. Nobody is perfect. So say goodbye to ideals and excessive demands. Build on what really matters to the partnership. Determine the main criteria when choosing a partner. And if your new friend meets them, then do not rush to give a turn from the gate, but give one more chance.
2. The conversation does not go well
If you feel good together, then more often than not, finding a topic of conversation is not a problem. And if the conversation does not go well and is somehow uncomfortable to be silent? Isn’t it better to run away right away? Take a closer look before you judge. Perhaps your new acquaintance is just a very shy person. Think, are you doing everything yourself to make the communication interesting?
3. Do the values coincide
Before giving up communication, listen to yourself and think it over. The content of the conversations says a lot about the interlocutor. Some topics and notes will give you a hint on how the other is “arranged”. Are you close to his worldview, values, goals in life? Take off your rose-colored glasses and prick up your ears before giving your partner a “bad”. Listen carefully and decide what works for you and what doesn’t.
4. You are not interested
If you do not want to learn something about your partner, you do not want to share your thoughts and interests, and even more so to have in common, perhaps you should think about whether you need to continue the relationship.
5. What intuition says
Intuition will tell you that on the contrary – the “wrong” partner. Trust her. Listen to yourself and mentally ask the following questions:
- Are you bored?
- You have barely arrived, and already want to go home?
- Is there something extremely unpleasant in the interlocutor’s appearance?
Emotional cues cannot be ignored, even if common sense says otherwise. You should take your feelings seriously.
But if your partner really doesn’t suit you, how can you tactfully end the conversation so that you don’t feel ashamed and hurt?
Probably, each of us at least once went through this: we agreed to see each other, but in response to calls and messages – deaf silence and no explanation. Someone easily turns the page: forgot, move on. And someone torments himself with questions: what did I do or say wrong? We want clarity, and there is nothing worse than the unknown. Or maybe we left in English ourselves, without dotting the i’s?
Sometimes we are told stories about sick grandmothers who need to be looked after, or about a job that suddenly piled right on the day of a date. Or we ourselves like to compose “fairy tales” for “unwanted” partners. In any case, we feel cheated or cheated, which is equally unpleasant. Therefore, it is always best to lay the cards on the table.
Any person, even if he did not live up to our hopes, is worthy of respect and explanation. An honest conversation or an honest message that you are uncomfortable, uncomfortable, uninteresting gives the other the opportunity to let you go and switch to another relationship. Remember, there were reasons why you wanted to meet this person. And now that you have decided to put an end to it, decency dictates not to be cowardly, not to avoid communication, but to say goodbye with gratitude for the new experience.
Rejection is always unpleasant. Try to show that you are really sorry it didn’t work out. After all, no one is to blame that the chemistry did not happen. But at least you both tried to get to know each other. And that’s great!