How dating apps keep us from finding love

KNOW YOURSELF


We love dating apps – and today we are finally not ashamed to admit it! They are becoming more and more convenient and understandable. In addition, by creating a profile for ourselves on Pure or Tinder, we practically do not risk anything, because those who initially did not like us will not be able to write or call us. In order to communicate with a potential partner, it is necessary for him to “swipe to the right”, and we did it ourselves. And in some applications, only a woman has the right to choose.

However, as practice shows (and research by psychologists!), These convenient programs also have disadvantages. It turns out that although they make it easier for us to find a potential partner, they, on the contrary, only interfere with falling in love and keeping this feeling. How exactly?

Too much choice

We think that a wide range of potential partners makes our task easier. And dating apps provide us with a truly huge assortment! However, is it that useful? Psychologists at the University of Edinburgh have found that the more options we see in front of us, the less satisfied we feel.

Participants in their study were asked to choose attractive counterparts from 6 or from 24 proposed candidates. And those who were offered more candidates felt less satisfied than those whose “menu” was much more meager.

But that doesn’t stop there: those who had to explore 24 options before making a choice were more likely to change their mind and choose a different partner within the next week. But those who were given only 6 candidates, during the same week were satisfied with their decision. Researchers felt that the more options we have before us, the less we tend to focus on any one.

Physically attractive people find it easier to abandon current relationships and rush to find new ones.

Psychologists are sure: when we need to study a large number of partners suggested by the application, our brain quickly gets tired. Because of this, we focus on those factors that could be taken into account rather quickly, without much mental effort. First of all, we are talking about the height, weight and physical attractiveness of candidates.

When we choose a partner based solely on how good he looks, the relationship is more likely to be short-lived and risk very disappointing. In 2017, psychologists at Harvard University found that physically attractive people find it easier to abandon current relationships and rush to find new ones.

Partner idealization

When we find the time and opportunity to personally communicate with this or that person, we very quickly learn a lot about him. What kind of voice does he actually have? How does it smell? What gestures does he use most often? Does he have a pleasant laugh?

When communicating with another user in the application, we have rather scant information. Usually we have at our disposal a short questionnaire, which contains the name, geographic location of the “hero of our novel” and, at best, a couple of his favorite quotes.

A living person whom we “blinded from what was” is unlikely to be able to meet our bright expectations

Not seeing a real person, we tend to complement his image with various positive characteristics. For example, we may attribute our own positive traits to him – or even the pleasant qualities of our close friends.

Unfortunately, there is a great risk that a personal meeting will disappoint us. A living person whom we “blinded from what was” is unlikely to be able to meet our bright expectations.

Everyone lies

If we are not sure that it will come to a meeting at all, it is tempting to embellish information about ourselves. And many application users admit that they really lie about their particular parameters. According to researchers, women are more likely to incorrectly indicate their weight, and men – their height. Representatives of both sexes equally often lie about their education, profession, age and whether they are currently in a relationship.

Of course, in the short term, this lie can make us more attractive in the eyes of potential partners, but in general, lying is not a suitable foundation for long-term happy relationships. And honesty and reliability, on the contrary, make our relationship stable and help us remain faithful to each other.

So is it worth starting a relationship with such a risky move? Perhaps the one who agrees to meet with you will not notice the small discrepancies between your words and reality. But if he does, it is unlikely to help create a warm atmosphere during the first date.

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