Family life in 27 tweets
Man and woman
1. “I do not wish my husband a good day, but simply put a mountain of cheese in his scrambled eggs. In my opinion, the effect is the same. ”
2. “I cry while advertising dog food. The husband quietly sneaks away from the room. “
3. “My wife is sure that I will not argue with her in a cafe, so as not to make the waitress feel awkward. Well, she’s wrong. ”
4. “My wife is an introvert. That did not stop her from spending a lot of time, effort and money to make our house more comfortable for guests whom she would never invite to it. ”
5. “For some reason, the husband believes that if you press the buttons on the remote control with all your might, the batteries will work again.”
6. “My husband and I began to get along much better when we realized how much our cry upsets the dog.”
7. “My wife drank a couple of cocktails at dinner and now wants to stop by at the disco on her way home. If anyone needs me, look for me in the 1990s. ”
8. “Before marrying someone, ask this person to eat a bowl of cornflakes, ask which half of the bed he (a) sleeps, watch how he (a) brushes his teeth, make sure that you have the same heat transfer, try survive side by side in the cold season. ”
9. “I: explain to my husband how to tuck a blanket into a duvet cover. Husband: “I don’t want to be an adult anymore”
10. “Husband:” What are you doing? ” I, sitting in front of a pile of summer dresses and T-shirts: “Already miss the summer.”
11. “What kind of monster sets its alarm clock so that it rings five minutes before yours? My wife”.
12. Husband: “I beg you, do not do this with us and with our house!” I am adding another photo of the interior design to my Pinterest board. ”
13. “The wife always said that her love for me knows no bounds, but this week I have a vacation, I am hanging around the apartment, and it seems that there are still some boundaries.”
14. “If I suddenly start to snore, my wife drives me into the living room. If the dog does it (and also drools on the pillow, growls), she only touches. ”
15. “I (throwing my wife’s clothes in the wash):“ Why is one more thing sewn into each of your things? ”
16. No matter how hot the night is, do not underestimate your wife: her feet will be just ice when she throws them at you. ”
17. “I (chewing loudly):“ God, with this sauce I’m ready to eat anything! ” Husband: “Is that an insole?”
18. “How do my husband and I like to spend the weekend? Shouting to each other: “What did you say (a)?”
19. “To keep my husband in good shape, I write to him:“ How could you do this to me ?! ” at least twice a day. “
20. “My wife does not do yoga, but I can’t joke about the fact that she walks at home in yoga pants: I myself was in the gym in the last century.”
21. “There are really important issues in life that require careful reflection. For example, can you stand together assembling a cabinet from IKEA as a couple? ”
22. “Wife (looks at the pile of my dirty things resting on the ceiling):“ Isn’t it time to put all this in the wash? ” Me: “No, those two t-shirts are even more or less clean.”
23. “Wife: I will put a box, at the bottom of which there are a few corn flakes, back into the cupboard. Suddenly someone wants to eat them someday. ”
24. “Yes, I took the name of my husband. But not because I’m not a feminist: I just don’t want my former classmates to find me on social networks. ”
25. “Sexting? And write to her husband at the height of the working day and inform that the new season of his favorite series has come out, is it considered? ”
26. “If you argue with your wife, and on your shirt you have spots from ketchup, you knowingly lost.”
27. “My husband does not know that I bought shawarma for us. I have already eaten mine, it is still intact. But this is not for long. ”
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