You come to visit and see many new people with whom you have yet to meet. You look at them – and your glance instantly catches the one with whom you will definitely not communicate today! How did you determine this and why, without even talking to a new acquaintance, immediately refuse to communicate?
The answer may lie on the surface if you are an introvert, and the one whom you immediately identified as a person unfit for communication is an extrovert, says behavioral analyst Jack Schafer.
“Extroverts appear to introverts to be overconfident, cocky, persistent, and arrogant. Introverts, on the other hand, from the point of view of extroverts, are boring and quiet, unadapted to society, ”says Schafer. And no matter what you say, no matter how you behave in the future, all your actions will be viewed through the prism of the first impression.
We like it when those around us share our outlook on life. So it turns out that extroverts and introverts often do not initially feel warm feelings for each other. The attention of the former is attracted by the outside world, while the latter keep their inner experiences in focus. In addition, the main source of energy for an extrovert is communication with others, while an introvert, waking up in the morning with a “fully charged battery”, is completely depleted by the evening due to contacts with others. And to gain strength, he needs silence – and preferably a little loneliness.
Think, hear, speak
It is the differences in life and worldview that can cause discomfort between two people who are at different “poles”, says Jack Schafer.
Unlike extroverts, who calmly and sometimes happily inform others about their feelings, introverts are rarely willing to share their feelings. And the irritation caused by sociable acquaintances can accumulate inside them for a very long time. And only when the introvert can no longer restrain himself, he presents the extrovert with a list of his “sins”. And it can be quite extensive!
Many extroverts like to finish the phrases they are speaking.
How do extroverts upset introverts when it comes to their first meeting?
They tend to say what they think without caring much about the feelings of others. Introverts, on the other hand, often first think about whether to voice their thoughts, and do not really understand how to ignore the feelings of others.
In addition, many extroverts like to finish phrases that the other person says. Introverts, on the other hand, prefer to intersperse their speech with pauses in order to hone the thought, bring it to perfection. And they certainly do not allow themselves to think out for others. When an extrovert suddenly interrupts the interlocutor and finishes his sentence, the introvert feels frustrated.
Give one more chance
Unfortunately, the first impression is very difficult to change, the expert emphasizes. And if at the beginning of communication we have a negative impression of someone else, we are unlikely to want to continue the conversation or meet with him again. And without a repeated, more fruitful and pleasant meeting, there can be no question of any changes.
There is one more important circumstance. As soon as we have the first impression of someone, it becomes difficult for us to change our mind. After all, to admit that the interlocutor may not be so bad is to agree that we made a mistake in judgment. And, staying true to the first impression, we feel much less anxiety than if we decided to admit that we were wrong, the expert is sure.
Understanding how different types of people communicate will help us connect with others
How can we apply this knowledge in real life? First, by keeping in mind the difference in behavior between extroverts and introverts, we’ll worry less about why we disliked someone. Perhaps he’s just “from another sandbox.”
Second, understanding how different types of people communicate will help us connect with others. Perhaps we will become more careful with others, or we will be able to come to terms with the peculiarities of their communication.
About the author: Jack Schafer is a behavioral analyst.