Oh horror, we have done something terrible! This has influenced ourselves and our dear people. “You’re just a monster,” an inner voice assures. Feelings of guilt and self-loathing are so great that it is impossible to think about anything else. Feeling like real villains who do not deserve love and happiness, we get stuck in a situation and this only complicates it.
Memories of wrongdoing generate negative thoughts and feelings and lower self-esteem, which in turn exacerbates stress and can lead to depression. Relationships break down because we don’t believe we deserve love and forgiveness, and this unbelief builds insurmountable walls, destroying closeness with the people we love. Career, health, psyche, and state of mind suffer from daily self-abasement.
We all make mistakes, but unnecessary regrets can destroy us. How to overcome them? Several ways to deal with our feelings and move on.
1. Accept that all people are wrong
We all make mistakes from time to time, big and small. Regret shows that we care and we have a conscience, which is very good. However, prolonged self-flagellation is harmful. Why not come up with your own mantra for such an occasion? For example: “I am human and I can be wrong. And yet I can love and be loved. “
2. Benefit from self-loathing
If endless regrets don’t improve the situation, they should be discarded. How to replace them? For example, you might think what we really want: happiness, love, acceptance, a sense of belonging, generosity, gratitude, success? This is what you need to focus on instead of endlessly replaying in your head what happened in the past.
3. Track internal monologues
Usually negative thoughts “itch” automatically, we “chew” the same thing for the hundredth time, but we don’t even realize it. You need to track them down, slow down their progress, hear your inner monologue. Don’t take all negative thoughts for granted. Sometimes the truth is not near, but the exact opposite.
The words “What an idiot! I shouldn’t have done that ”cause shame. And the thought “I could have acted differently. Next time I will take it into account and try to go the other way ”opens up opportunities and prospects for a better future.
4. Understand what triggers negative thoughts
By showing attention to yourself, you can understand what triggers for us: people, situations, memories – and prepare a mantra in advance so that, when faced with them, help yourself stay strong. Deep breathing practices, positive visualizations, or simply taking time out to gather strength are also helpful. Often we give up our power, just thinking we don’t have it.
5. Understand the connection of thoughts, feelings and behavior
Buddha, Mahatma Gandhi, Lao Tzu, William Shakespeare, Albert Einstein, and Steve Jobs realized the power of thoughts. By agreeing with them, we can recognize that feelings, motives and behavior are determined by the way of thinking. And it is much better for thoughts to work for us, and not against.
6. Focus on gratitude
Common and good practice. You can keep a diary and add three points to it every day – for which we are grateful today. You need to spend more time thinking about the good than digging into the bad. Gradually, a shift will be noticeable, we will feel calmer, freer and happier.
7. Think: “Who am I and what I want to be?”
We need to acknowledge our positive qualities, pause and try to understand how we got to where we are now. What attracts people to us? What makes us funny, loving, reliable, smart, interesting, and generally attractive? It is important to remember your value, your merits and cherish what makes us special.
8. From the bottom of the heart, apologize and forgive yourself
Regret and guilt keep us trapped in negative thoughts and emotions. Why not allow yourself the freedom to admit your shortcomings, the right to make mistakes and unreasonable actions. To sincerely apologize to those affected and believe that in the future we will become stronger and wiser.
“Bugs are portals of discovery,” wrote James Joyce. It is impossible to live life without them. But mistakes are also opportunities for growth, development and change. By acknowledging our “imperfection”, we can let go of the past and start over. Focus on the future and try to create it the way you want.