7 stages of love
Man and woman
Romantic love has been known since time immemorial, philosophers reasoned about it and poets composed verses. Falling in love does not obey the laws of reason and logic, it is able to lift us to the heights of euphoria and then bring down despair into abysses for the most insignificant occasions.
We often fall in love just when we do not plan at all, and often our friends and relatives cannot understand why we fell in love with this particular person.
“And yet, science gradually comprehends the secrets of falling in love – just as it explained many natural phenomena that once seemed just as unpredictable and mysterious,” commented neurophysiologist Lucy Brown.
Studies show that the process of falling in love usually consists of seven stages.
1. The origin of feeling
Falling in love arises at the moment when a person suddenly acquires a very special meaning for you. And it doesn’t matter if you knew him before for many years or you met just a few hours ago – all your thoughts are now focused on him or her. Whether you want it or not, you are already falling in love.
2. Obsessive thoughts
Your first obsessive thoughts about love creep in. You scroll through the dialogs again and again in your head, remember how she was dressed that evening, or admire his smile.
As you read the book, you are wondering if he would have liked it. And how would she advise you to solve your problem with your boss? Every meeting with this person, spontaneous or planned, becomes an important event for you, which you then recall and analyze.
At first, these thoughts arise only occasionally, but over time they become truly intrusive. Many people think about their beloved from 85% to 100% of the time. Usually these thoughts do not interfere with everyday life, only creating a pleasant background for it. But sometimes they can take hold of your mind so much that they begin to distract from work or school.
3. Formation of a clear image
It is believed that lovers idealize the object of their love, not noticing its shortcomings. But studies show that this is not entirely true. In the third stage of falling in love with you, a clear idea is formed not only about the merits of a potential partner, but also about its shortcomings. He ceases to be a kind of magical creature for you, you understand that this is an ordinary living person. Nevertheless, you tend to belittle the significance of his shortcomings or consider them sweet eccentricities.
4. Attraction, hope and uncertainty
When you have a clear idea of the object of love, you are drawn even more towards it, you feel both hope and uncertainty, hoping to have a relationship with him or her.
Everything that happens between you causes strong emotions: the slightest approval on his part – and it seems to you that your feelings are mutual, the mildest criticism plunges into despair, and even a brief separation is alarming. You are determined to overcome any obstacles in the way of love.
At some point, you may experience a condition called hypomania. You will feel a surge of energy, your need for food and sleep will decrease for a while. But side effects are also likely – flushing, trembling, stuttering, sweating, heart palpitations, awkward movements.
6. Jealousy and strong motivation for action
In you, the desire to win the favor of this person is growing. Irrational jealousy arises, you begin to “guard” the object of your love, trying to push your potential competitors away from it. You are afraid that you will be rejected, and at the same time you are overcome by a strong desire to be with your loved one.
7. Feeling helpless
Perhaps at some point your strong feelings will be replaced by a feeling of complete helplessness. At first you may fall into despair, but gradually the obsessive desires will begin to weaken, and you yourself will be surprised that you behaved so irrationally.
You probably still really want to build a relationship with this person, but you already understand that this is not necessarily destined to happen. The ability to think logically and act pragmatically returns to you.
“It’s noteworthy that although we often fall in love with those we find physically attractive, sex plays a very insignificant role here,” explains Lucy Brown. – Yes, we want to make love to this person, but we are much more hungry for emotional closeness. Most of all we want to call up, correspond and spend time with this person. ”