7 signs that the wrong partner is not really repenting
Cheating on a partner is probably one of the most painful emotional experiences. The betrayal of a loved one breaks our heart. “Nothing beats the pain, fear and rage that we feel when we learn that a partner who swore allegiance has changed. The feeling of monstrous betrayal engulfs us. It seems to many that they will never be able to trust a partner and anyone else, ”says psychotherapist and sexologist Robert Ways.
Nevertheless, perhaps you still love this person and want to stay together, of course, if he no longer changes and makes every effort to restore relations. Most likely, your partner falls apart in an apology and assures you that he did not want to hurt you so much. But you are well aware that this is not enough and will never be enough.
He will have to make a lot of efforts to restore mutual trust, to become completely honest and open in everything. Surely he will decide to do this, even promise. Nevertheless, it is possible that in the future you will again break your heart.
Here are 7 signs that the wrong partner has not repented and does not deserve forgiveness.
1. He continues to change
Too many people prone to betrayal are not able to stop, despite the consequences. In some ways, they resemble drug addicts. They continue to change, even when they were taken to clean water and their whole life begins to crumble. Fortunately, this does not apply to everyone. Many, after the exposure, deeply repent and make every effort to make amends without repeating past mistakes. But some cannot or do not want to stop and continue to cause suffering to the partner.
2. He continues to lie and keep secrets from you
When the fact of treason is revealed, the culprits are usually inclined to continue to lie, and if they are forced to admit, they reveal only part of the truth, continuing to keep their secrets. Even if they no longer cheat, they continue to cheat partners in something else. For a person who has survived a betrayal, such a deception can be no less painful than treason itself.
3. He blames anyone but himself on what happened.
Many unfaithful partners justify and explain their behavior, transferring the blame for what happened to someone else or something else. For an affected partner, this can be painful. It is very important that the changing partner fully accepts responsibility for what happened. Unfortunately, many not only do not do this, but even try to shift the blame for treason on a partner.
4. He apologizes and expects to be forgiven immediately
Some cheaters think it’s enough to apologize, and the conversation is over. They are very unhappy or start to get angry when they realize that the partner has a different opinion on this matter. They do not understand that their betrayals, lies and secrets have destroyed all the trust between you and all your trust in the relationship and that you cannot forgive the partner until he deserves this forgiveness, proving that he is again trustworthy.
5. He is trying to “buy” forgiveness
A typical erroneous tactic of many partners after the betrayal is to try to regain your location by “bribery”, giving flowers and decorations, inviting to restaurants. As a means of “bribery” even sex can act. If the partner tried to appease you in this way, you already know that this does not work. Gifts, no matter how expensive and thoughtful they are, are not able to heal the wounds caused by treason.
6. He is trying to control you with aggression and threats.
Sometimes, in order to “calm down” a fairly angry partner, the cheater begins to threaten with a divorce, the cessation of financial support, or something else. In some cases, they manage to intimidate a partner and make him obey. But they do not understand that their behavior destroys the emotional closeness in a couple.
7. He is trying to reassure you.
Many partners, when it becomes known of their betrayal, say something in the spirit: “Dear, calm down, nothing bad happened. You know that I love you and have always loved (a). You make an elephant out of a fly. ” If you have ever heard something like this, you are well aware that such attempts to calm (even if it succeeds for a while) will never be able to restore the trust lost after the betrayal. Moreover, listening to this is very painful, because, in fact, the partner makes it clear that you have no right to be angry because of his betrayal.