5 situations when you shouldn’t save your marriage


If all attempts to improve family relationships fail, ask yourself the question: is it worth keeping the marriage? Yes, we are used to thinking that it is worth doing at all costs, but what can this actually lead to? Perhaps – to the fact that suffering and dissatisfaction with family life will only grow. Here are a few times when you might want to seriously consider divorce.

1. Life on the battlefield to “save the family for the sake of the child”

A situation in which marriage rests only on raising a joint child, and the relationship of the parents leaves much to be desired. The growing tension, mutual claims, lack of common interests heat up the atmosphere at home every day and lead to frequent quarrels and scandals. Both spouses suffer from lack of fulfillment in family relationships and do not feel needed and loved.

The child himself grows up in an unhealthy environment of constant conflicts between loved ones. Because of this, in adolescence, he may have psychological problems and form the wrong model of building relationships in the future.

In such situations, it is extremely important to ask yourself whether it is really worth saving the marriage, and most importantly – why. If the motivation is exclusively a child, then most likely it is not worth it: in the end, he only suffers. If both parents want to improve their relationship, it is important to switch from the dad-mom family model to the husband-wife model. When the tension is gone, there may well be a place for happiness and fresh feelings for each other.

2. Loneliness in a couple

The situation when one partner cannot rely on the other, because the other is with him only “in joy and wealth”, but not in “illness and poverty.” All serious problems have to be dealt with on their own. Over time, the partner avoiding problems begins to complicate the life of the second spouse even more, as if testing him for strength. The resulting feeling of weakness gives rise to aggression and a desire to demonstrate their own superiority, and for this it is necessary that the loved one fails.

Is it worth staying in such a relationship? In a family, it is important to pool resources to achieve common goals, and not to use each other, stepping aside when something goes wrong.

3. Feeling that if you leave, it will only get worse

It happens that a partner – usually a woman – is driven by the fear that leaving will only exacerbate the situation, provoke aggression and persecution. And this fear is so great that the victim remains in a relationship with the abuser, trying to fulfill all the requirements so as not to anger the hot-tempered spouse.

Getting out of a situation of domestic violence is necessary, but it is extremely important to take care of your own safety in advance.

4. Gaslighting

A situation where one partner makes the other question their own mental health. Gradually, the pressure builds up, and the victim begins to feel that the truth is “not in himself”, and the aggressor presents his inadequate actions as the norm. For example, a spouse may find out that the husband has a different family – with children, joint plans and dreams. Not only is the situation unpleasant in itself, but also the partner can assure the wife that what is happening is absolutely normal.

5. Feelings of guilt and the feeling that you constantly owe something to your partner

Life throws all kinds of challenges for families. Some partners steadfastly overcome any adversity and adversity, grow and become stronger. But it also happens that a tragic situation becomes a way of manipulation: “If it weren’t for you, I would have … left to work in Australia, got a promotion at work, gave my children a normal education.” The person is made to think that the partner has given up something important for him, and now he is in an unpaid debt.

Permanent feelings of guilt erode self-esteem, and life gradually becomes completely unbearable. As in previous cases, divorce in such a situation becomes the only way out, but it is better to prepare your way of retreat in advance, without waiting for the moment when the cup of patience is full and you have to go “nowhere.”

Anna Nine

about the author

Anna Nine – family psychologist, psychotherapist. Her website

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