4 communication styles: how we can understand each other


The four basic communication styles are rarely found in their pure form. Each of us has a leading style, but at the same time the second is quite well developed. Sometimes there are generalists: they know not only their main language, but also skillfully use the other three, which allows them to expand their spheres of communication and feel like a fish in water in any environment. Such people are usually successful in business and personal life.

Formality and Activity Scale

Adults often communicate formally. We are not born this way: children initially allow themselves to show emotions, but later they are taught to “sit and be silent.” In Russia, formalism in communication is more noticeable: it is not customary to be emotional here.

“Russians are afraid to express themselves. Not so far gone are the days when for a told anecdote or excessive frankness one could disappear with the whole family. Totalitarian states nurture formal personalities. A formal person thinks and speaks rationally, he avoids emotional self-expression and is afraid to get in touch with the emotions of others, ”says trainer and expressive psychotherapist Marik Khazin.

Each of us is, to one degree or another, formal and informal, active and passive. Something appears stronger, something weaker. At the intersections of the axis of formality and the axis of activity and, four communication styles can be distinguished:

4 communication styles: how we can understand each other

Focused. These are active and formal people. It is important for them to see the goal, understand the tasks and achieve results. Often these are leaders, leaders, politicians. The motto of such people is: “The dog barks – the caravan is moving.” If they had reacted to all the attacks against them, they would not have survived for a long time. For all the noisy attacks on them, they usually see the final goal and move towards it, no matter what.

How do you know purposeful? They have sharp facial features, clear and quick movements. They can also mimic – for the sake of their purpose, to play a different style. They, as scouts, can be silent, although a volcano is raging in their souls at this time. Usually these are thin, lean people, because they quickly burn everything – they have no time to sit around, they need to act. They may be overweight, but overall they look fit and energetic.

The purposeful hate meditation and lengthy processes. They value movement. That is why, when talking with them, you need to immediately give out a short statement of goals and objectives. If you want to piss off the focused one, start telling him the whole story from Adam and Eve.

They dress formally, strictly. There are no unnecessary details, but at the same time they do not look stingy

How do they say themselves? You can immediately recognize them by the first phrase: “Have a minute?” And then they get down to business. Use short sentences. They always want to know the reason: if you turn to them with a request or a question, a counter will follow – “Why is this necessary?” They are impatient. Interrupt if they begin to speak in long and confused formulations.

Focused is immediately visible on the clothes. They dress formally, strictly. There are no unnecessary details, but they do not look stingy. They will have one accessory, but expensive. They adhere to a sophisticated style. It is important for them what dishes they eat and drink from. Their dinner will be the same refined and laconic: steak, salad and a glass of wine.

“I once gave training to bankers. 20 men and one woman. All in black and navy blue suits. All but the lady have ties. Shirts – from white to pale blue, – says Marik Khazin. – And all in black shoes. I showed them how to define a person’s communication style by their appearance. The purposeful will have shoes not for $ 50, but for $ 5,000. A watch over 200 thousand is normal for them. They will allow themselves to drive a one-year-old car and not change it for a new one, if only they have another, more important goal at the moment – for example, to buy a mansion in a prestigious area. It is important for them to keep the style. As a rule, these are daffodils: without love for yourself you cannot get to the top. “

Initiators. They are also active, but informal. These gentlemen do not cost anything to put on a giant ring in their entire hand, or even several rings of different colors and shapes, boots for the same $ 50, if they are striking, a bright scarf, colorful trousers or a skirt. If we are faced with a pure initiator, he will be an example of impressive bad taste.

They also have narcissistic symptoms, just like the targeted ones. They must be the navel of the earth. Even in new companies and unfamiliar surroundings, they pretty quickly put together a noisy company around them. The initiators are heard in the crowd – they speak the loudest. But it is precisely because of their ability to attract attention that they often become generators of ideas, the main inspirers.

They talk a lot, excitedly, about everything at once and in long sentences in which they describe all the details

They didn’t have time to finish talking about one thing, but they already had a second idea in their language, and a third in their heads. And it’s good when there is a purposeful person nearby who will pick up this idea and build a clear plan of action – the initiator himself is not able to bring his insight to a logical ending.

On their desktop, you will most likely see a mess, unless the initiator has a “mix” of purposeful, then there will still be some order. They are just as hyperactive in food as in everything else: it will not be just a hearty and generous table, it will be buffets that can accommodate everything from salty to sweet.

Among the initiators there can be overweight and even fat people: they are so bursting with endlessly emerging ideas and projects, they are so interested in everything that they simply do not have time to digest it, and they are “inflated” from the inside. However, if they manage to express what they have invented and pass it on, then they quickly burn the surplus.

They talk a lot, eagerly, about everything at once and in long sentences in which they describe all the details in cinematography. They are creators, and they think in images. It is easy to win over the initiator: it is enough to praise their “brilliant idea”.

4 communication styles: how we can understand each other

Emotions. They, like the initiators, belong to the informal style. But, unlike them, they are passive. You don’t have to wait for ideas from them, but if you want to get a portion of different emotions – you are here. For emotional people, support, acceptance and understanding of their feelings are important.

They are not one of those who will attract attention, their clothes will not be flashy, although not without embellishment: ruffles, bows, embroidery, ornamentation, but only in order to more accurately express their current state.

They speak softly, melodiously. If purposeful is expressed in the language of music with the help of staccato, then emotional – legato. Emotional people are in a cocoon of feelings. If you praise them, they will work even for free.

In their work, they are ready for cooperation, know how to empathize, are delicate

They can create a friendly and cozy atmosphere in the team. They are vulnerable and impressionable, so you don’t need to raise your voice to them.

If you want to achieve a result from the emotional, praise his work, show care and attention – bring a cup of coffee or give a flower or a nice trinket. And they will do the necessary work with readiness and dedication.

Analysts. Formal and passive style. This is the majority of clerks, service personnel, tax officials. They take everything literally and seriously.

Due to its formality, analysts are able to process a ton of data. But they tend to bury themselves in it. Often they are so carried away by search and analysis that they do not meet the deadlines.

You should not expect ideas and activity from them, but on the other hand, they are wonderful and patient performers.

You just need to take into account their peculiarity of breaking deadlines and therefore giving a minimum of tasks. Be sure that they – sooner or later – will do everything carefully and thoroughly.

They are often excellent organizers. They love to put together collections that will be laid out, sorted and cataloged in a neat and accurate way. They can be safely instructed to sort out piles of documents and other routine, but important matters.

You can recognize them by their quiet voice, which you rarely hear – analysts are not for chatting. They would rather email you than verbally tell you something.

You cannot shout at them either – they will fall into a stupor and will not even be able to move. They prefer a well-organized work plan and worry and get confused if the plan is unexpectedly changed. They often dress in gray, inconspicuous – such as to merge with the interior.

4 communication styles: how we can understand each other

Full set

To be successful and effective, a company must have all communication styles. If there are only initiators, the work will end rather quickly – there will be no one to implement their brilliant ideas. This requires purposeful ones. To breathe life into a product and project, emotionals come in handy. And analysts are indispensable for routine work.

But what about personal relationships? In a pair, Marik Khazin is convinced, the most difficult thing is to get along with opposites. But this is also the most useful. The purposeful person lacks emotions, and the emotional person lacks the ability to set and achieve goals. It is in such a union that development is possible.

The emotional and the analyst get along well. The first will create coziness and comfort, and the second will take over the current worries: no one better than analysts is able to read instructions for household appliances or walk a dog every day.

Purposeful and analyst – This will be a boring formal marriage, where one will begin to command the other. But many marriages of convenience, where feelings are not required, are successfully built on this. The two analysts will not have a vibrant life, and perhaps neither will sex. A good neighborhood with a predictable and stable life, without shocks and cataclysms.

In work and in personal life, the most successful are those, according to Marik Khazin, who use all four communication styles, adjusting to the interlocutor. And this can be learned by being attentive to yourself and others, noticing and accepting your own and others’ characteristics.

Marik Khazin

About the expert

Marik Khazin – a coach with 37 years of experience. Expressive psychotherapist, artist, director, author of the books “From Love to Hate … and Back”, “Sold!” and “Open the window”. Creator Training Center Marika Khazina

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