How many stages does a relationship go through? Experts differ in their opinions. Some are limited to three, others are six or even ten. You need to understand that each relationship develops according to its own scenario, because we enter into them with our own special experience or lack thereof.
The development of relationships is influenced by character, habits, upbringing, outlook on life. We disagree with the classic: not all happy couples are equally happy. This is simply not possible.
And, of course, the transition from one phase to another cannot be considered final: there are also returns to the previous stage, periods of stagnation, acceleration. However, based on research, there are 3 stages of relationship through which each couple goes.
“You are the one I have been waiting for all my life”, “We are so similar”, “We are one.” Almost all relationships begin with passion. This is the intense phase of attachment – “symbiosis” according to psychologists Ellin Bader and Peter T. Pearson. Separation at this moment brings suffering to lovers. Every day, partners are looking for meetings.
Marriage consultant Françoise Sand considers this period “one of the rare times when you can exist without pain.” This stage helps to become better, to rise above everyday life, to discover new aspects of life. Passionate love inspires.
At this stage, we often idealize our partner, do not notice his shortcomings and make predictions for a happy future, “without removing rose-colored glasses.” This is where the main danger lies. After that, when the passion passes, we may begin to feel that the loved one has changed for the worse.
Enjoy this honeymoon: it is as enjoyable as it is ephemeral. On average, it lasts from a month to three years. And then what? Return to reality.
“You are not what I thought”, “You do not understand me”, “I do not know anything about the present you.” Living together and household responsibilities return relationships from heaven to earth. Partners gradually discover differences that reveal new facets of personality. Not all of them turn out to be pleasant.
Disappointment is inevitable as it is about saying goodbye to an idealized image. And not only with the image of a partner, but also with his own. Relationships also help to reveal unexpected facets of your character: irritability, unwillingness to put up with other people’s whims, selfishness.
This stage is fundamental to a long relationship, it allows us to find ourselves, to reconnect with our own interests and goals. At the stage of fusion, the identity of each is denied. The stage of distance returns itself to us.
It is not easy to accept the collapse of ideals. Many relationships end at this stage: “the love boat crashes into everyday life.” But if you overcome the differences, learn to live with the newly discovered features of each other, this will transfer the relationship to a new stage.
It is important to distinguish between personal and professional life, stop doing everything together, start taking a break from each other, and have your own hobbies, interests and goals.
Partners must explain their desires and needs, they do not need to gloss over grievances and endure if something in their partner’s behavior is not pleasant. It is omissions, hints and mutual grievances that destroy a relationship.