3 negative attitudes that impede self-improvement
All these excuses have one purpose – they partially relieve us of responsibility for our own lives. When we realize this, we will have the opportunity to get rid of them and reveal all our true possibilities.
“It is easy to say that we want to improve our lives. But when it comes to business, it turns out that it’s even easier to not change anything. We are starting to come up with endless excuses for ourselves why we cannot, should not or do not want to do what is useful and important for us, ”explains Jeffrey Siegel, a life coach from Boston.
Here are three common excuses that are especially common.
1. “I don’t know how”
We all would like to go through life on a reliable road. Unfortunately, when we finish our education, we will not have a curriculum further. There is no one to tell us exactly what you need to know. There are no more teachers and teachers who are always ready to answer questions and indicate where to go next.
We have to compose for ourselves a “training course”, study and “pass exams”. This is a difficult job, and we will not always cope with it. It is very easy to fall into the trap of excuses like “If …”, which allow you to throw off responsibility.
- If I only knew how to improve my diet, I would eat much better.
- If someone made me a training plan, I would much more often go in for sports.
- If I knew that I was really interested, I could find a job.
- If I knew how to expand my business, I would be much more successful.
In fact, all this is mainly technical problems. Answers to them can be found independently or use paid services. If the information we need does not belong to some extremely rare and little-studied topic, even a simple search on the Internet can do a lot.
- Want to learn how to meditate? There are many video tutorials on the web.
- Want to learn how to cook dishes from organic products? Look for a culinary blog or subscribe to the healthy eating feeds on Instagram.
- Want to get in shape? Look for free yoga classes or try a new workout program at your nearest fitness studio.
The question is not whether one can find information and opportunities for oneself. The search for information in itself can turn into addiction. The question is whether we are ready to make efforts for self-improvement. A Google search won’t change us. This will require a truly immersive new activity.
We must firmly decide who we want to become and learn to trust ourselves. Justified by “I don’t know how,” we actually say, “I do not believe that I can handle it.” That is why the support of others is so important. A coach, mentor, teacher can give a lot of practical advice that will help us to believe in ourselves and feel that we are ready for the next steps.
The best mentors know how to divide the whole path to solving our problems into separate small steps that we can go one by one. More importantly, the mentor helps us decide to take action, although we do not know exactly what awaits us along the way. Uncertainty should not bother us.
To stop justifying our inaction by saying that “we don’t know how,” we need to look into ourselves and understand what we actually know. Start with this. Seek support from others and believe that the answers to your questions you will find on the way.
2. “Now is the wrong moment”
“I had a client who was divorcing his wife at that time, recently lost one of his parents and, in addition, his business was on the verge of bankruptcy. He had an incredibly difficult and chaotic period in his life. I warned him that now is not the best time for radical changes. But he proved my wrong. “If not now, then when? I am undergoing dramatic changes. So what if there are a little more? ”He told me. He changed his entire routine and began to take more care of himself. He began to cook himself, run in the mornings and keep a diary, ”says Jeffrey Siegel.
This story demonstrates well that in life at any moment we are surrounded by many problems. We always have to deal with our health, work, family, relationships and everything else. All this cannot be “paused” when we need a break to do something else. Our total “employment” naturally changes over time.
When there is a period of “lull”, use it and make every effort to solve the most important problems. At the same time, you should never put off something until later, hoping that some kind of magical moment will come when you will be “ready”. “If you wait until ideal conditions develop, you will wait your whole life,” warns Jeffrey Siegel.
Actually the question is not whether the moment is right now. The question is whether you are ready to continue to tolerate your current situation in life. If not, why wait, why not change something right now? If today is not the right time, why did you decide that tomorrow will be right?
The real reason may be that you are not yet ready to give up your current lifestyle. Let him not suit you, but at least he is familiar and familiar. But, unfortunately, leaving everything as it is, we will not achieve what we really want.
3. “I know what needs to be done, but I don’t do it”
This problem can be safely called the “King of self-sabotage” or “Prince of procrastination.” You understand what can be done to improve your situation. You just do not do this or do it extremely irregularly.
“I had clients who tried again and again to make their lifestyle healthier and every time they gave up their attempts. They did not have a lack of knowledge. They lacked constancy and determination, ”says Jeffrey Siegel.
This problem can manifest itself in different ways. Here are the most common options:
“Impatient.” You get bored quickly and constantly want something new. Therefore, it is not possible to adhere to the chosen course long enough to see the results. After a couple of weeks, you quit and look for some new promising program, follow it for a while, and soon it bothers you too. The cycle of constant disappointment continues.
“Lost hope.” You tried to lose weight, exercise regularly, control violent emotions, and take better care of yourself. But after numerous attempts, you did not feel better, or maybe even worse. You feel tormented by shame, and you give up. Another unsuccessful attempt. This is too hard. You’d better leave it as it is than you will try again to fail again.
“Not understanding what they want.” It seems to you that you want a lot: expand your business, improve relations with others, bring your body into shape. But you don’t really know what you want. What matters is not the “cubes” of the abdominal press and the size of the bank account. It is important to feel confident in your own body. It is important to be confident in the future, that you can provide a family. The problem is that you still have not clearly articulated what you really want to receive.
“Forever dissatisfied with cynics.” It seems to you that the whole world is against you. Everyone seemed to have conspired to prevent you from achieving your desired goal. Instead of changing something, you endlessly complain about injustice. You do not see anything good around you. If you were not so cynical and incredulous, you would surely find those who sincerely want to help you. In order to achieve what you want, you have to get rid of contempt for other people and learn to work together on an equal footing.
“Considering themselves unworthy.” You know what you would like, but do not believe that you deserve it. “Who am I to dream about this?” Your inner voice whispers. Low self-esteem robs you of all motivation. Self-doubt paralyzes you. You will wait for “permission” from others, because you do not have enough self-esteem to just start moving towards your goal.
You can name dozens of different reasons that prevent us from acting and approaching the goal. Many of these are associated with unresolved emotional “blocks” and limiting beliefs. It is important not only to clearly understand what you want, but also to believe that you really can achieve this, that you deserve it.
When your mind says “you cannot”, and your heart whispers “you can!” In order to resolve this contradiction, you will need self-confidence, support from loved ones and a little faith. Only this will help you finally stop looking for excuses and begin to move towards the goal. And while working to increase productivity, we are simultaneously growing as a person.
What if others bother us?
If we cannot succeed in becoming more productive, the problem is not always only in our indoor units. Often, completely real external interference gets in our way. Of course, some in life are more fortunate and others less. Someone has significant resources and support from friends and colleagues, someone is deprived of this.
Employer policies or family problems can stop you from moving forward, despite your best efforts. And yet, before thinking about external interference, it is important to deal with internal obstacles. Being productive means being able to live right. Do not think that only our employer needs to increase productivity.
It is about learning how to play a game well called life. “Productivity affects all aspects of our lives, from relationships with others to work. In many ways, it depends on our attitude to ourselves. If we lead the right lifestyle, then we automatically become more productive. The main thing is to work on yourself, grow and develop, ”says Jeffrey Siegel.
To achieve your goals, it is important to “smooth the sharp corners” of your character, to realize your inner contradictions and become the master of your own life. No one will do it for you.