Imagine for a moment that I am your father – I understand, a dubious idea, but let’s try.
Let’s say we are sitting, sipping beer, listening to the chirping of crickets and watching the departing moon. Or laughing at a joke from a movie we just watched. Or remember how at the age of five you bathed a cat in the toilet. In general, an idyllic shot from a Hollywood movie.
It’s time for a confidential conversation heart to heart, fatherly wisdom, which will completely change your life and make you look at it differently. After clearing my throat, I tell you, “Dear Scion, I want to share some advice with you and tell you about three important life skills that no one has ever told you about.”
You, of course, turn to me and say, “What nonsense, dad? You sound like the dude in the commercial. ” And I answered: “Come on, show respect for your father and listen carefully!”
So here’s what I could say.
1. Don’t take everything to heart
This is how we are arranged: everything that happens in life, we take at our own expense and pass through ourselves. When we are successful, we feel like everyone around us is applauding us. When everything is bad, we get angry and think we deserve the best. We only feel good for a short period of time.
However, those who criticize us in times of failure may have much more in common with us. Do not assume that others are constantly discussing our mistakes: after all, everyone is obsessed only with themselves and no one cares about others. People tend to be wrong – you just need to accept this lesson.
Everything that happens to us makes us stronger, and this is part of our existence, whether we like it or not.
2. Don’t hold on to your beliefs like a lifeline
Even if beliefs are easily destroyed, like a house of cards, many continue to hold on to them, trying not to fall over the side of a sinking ship. It seems better to pretend that we don’t hear anything, to cover our ears with our palms, than to agree with a different point of view.
Let me give you an example. When we are 16, we develop beliefs in all areas of life. We firmly know that a girl will never fall in love with a “nerd” if he does not have a lot of money and an expensive car. But when a so-called nerd turns 30, that same belief can play a trick on him, affecting how a person behaves with the opposite sex.
There may be thousands of tiny failures ahead of us, but only through them will we succeed.
The desire to recognize mistakes and the desire to acquire new knowledge is directly proportional to the changes that can occur in life.
Try this technique: right now, write down 20 things on a piece of paper that you would like to change in yourself. Challenge everything you are unhappy with: “I’m lazy,” “I don’t know how to talk to people,” “I cannot feel happy because I am constantly annoyed,” and so on. As soon as you get 20 points, go through the list and write what happens if you change this in yourself. What will your life be like?
3. Learn to act without knowing in advance where it will lead
Since childhood, we are used to doing things that will lead to a certain goal. We clean the room – we deserve praise, write a term paper – we get an estimate. No uncertainty: we just do what needs to be done.
But in real life this does not happen. No one tells us in what area we can build a successful career, no one guarantees that in love we will be happy “once and for all.” There is no way to know for sure if we are doing the right thing or not.
Because of this, we avoid everything: we need to find out the result without even starting to do something. Subsequently, life becomes a series of repetitive events – just because it is so safe.
Every day I receive letters from people who ask: “How to find a purpose in life?”, “Am I lucky in love?”, “How to understand that I am doing everything right?”
I delete such letters without reading. I don’t have a single thought on this matter!
First, no one knows what is best for you. Secondly, the fact that you ask some guy on the Internet about it already speaks of the problem: you want to know the result before you take action.
Many of us should definitely add chaos to our daily routine. Stop doing everything for the sake of some, sometimes invented and too illusory goal. Live for today, indulging in the flow of life. There may be thousands of tiny failures ahead of us, but only through them will we succeed.
About the author: Mark Manson is a writer, entrepreneur, and coach.