In 2013, entrepreneur Chrisanna Northrup and two leading American sociologists, Pepper Schwartz of Yale University and James Witt of Harvard, published the results of a large-scale online study. They observed the lives of 70 thousand people in 24 countries and found that couples who are satisfied with their sex life do what the people who complain about it do not.
John Gottman combined the data from this study with his own scientific developments, which have accumulated over decades of working and consulting more than 3 thousand couples. Thanks to this, he was able to identify 13 things that couples do when they are happy with their sex lives.
So they are:
1. Every day they say to each other: “I love you,” and they do it sincerely.
2. They kiss passionately.
3. Give each other romantic surprises.
4. Know what turns on a partner in an erotic sense.
5. Express physical affection even in public.
6. Have fun and spend time together.
8. Put sex at the top of the priority list
9. Remain good friends.
10. Freely discuss their sex life.
11. Have a date every week.
12. Take romantic travel.
13. Deliberately work on relationships.
In this way, these couples express love and affection for each other and strengthen emotional and physical bonds.
But what distinguishes those who complain about their intimate life?
Scientists at the Sloan Center at UCLA conducted a study of 30 heterosexual couples. Each pair had small children, while both parents worked. The researchers observed the couples, taped their conversations and asked questions. They found out that:
1. These couples spent very little time together during the week.
2. Men went to work headlong, and women concentrated on children
3. Partners only talked about responsibilities and outstanding matters.
4. Men and women behaved as if everything else was more important than their relationship.
5. Partners drifted apart.
6. People in such couples did not take intentional steps to strengthen the relationship.
It was found that partners talked to each other for only 35 minutes a week, most of the conversations were reduced to tasks and assignments.
Conclusion from research: To improve your sex life, be friends, show your attraction and talk openly about sex. This will help strengthen relationships not only in the bedroom, but also outside of it.
About the Author: John Gottman is a professor of psychology at the University of Washington, author of 190 scientific articles and over 40 books (including co-authorship).