There is a fine line that separates simply pleasant people from too compliant. When you are afraid to declare yourself and your opinion, you shrink internally – and your “I” also shrinks, losing hope and the ability to achieve anything.
If you are weak and sensitive, your path will resemble a boat drifting without an anchor and sail, because success can only be achieved by conscious effort.
And the biggest irony is that if you want to please everyone without exception, it often has the opposite effect. Instead of seeking approval from other people or being in doubt, take better care of yourself, learn to train the ability to defend your opinion.
This does not mean that everyone around is wrong, but only you are right. Success comes after a lot of controversy and debate, it arises from often conflicting opinions expressed by different people.
Here are some traits and behavioral features of those who consider themselves a pleasant person to communicate, although their behavior suggests that they are simply too compliant and strive to please everyone at all costs.
You constantly soften your statements, do not talk about what you think, because you are afraid that your thoughts will not find support from others. As a result, you agree with those who express the opposite opinion.
You will have to learn to voice your opinion at least sometimes and do it convincingly.
2. The need for constant approval
No matter how much they praise and support you, it will not give you confidence if you do not feel it internally.
You need to understand that the only way to get something is to say what you want. For a start – to yourself.
3. Constant compliments to others
One of the most obvious indicators of insincerity, oddly enough, is that you continually compliment others. If you start every conversation with compliments, it will soon backfire – you will be considered a manipulator. This is because your goal is really different – to get approval and support.
Leave compliments for those moments when they are genuine.
When you start making excuses, it is often perceived as weakness.
Take it for granted: people won’t always agree with you. There is no business without disputes and confrontation. You need to train the ability to listen to criticism, accept feedback and not consider it an insult. People won’t help you climb the corporate ladder just because they feel sorry for you.
Learn to grow after criticism instead of shrinking and hiding.
5. Agreeing what you internally disapprove of
To please others, you agree even when you internally disagree. You are too accommodating. This way no one will know what you are thinking and what you are. This means that you will not be able to be assessed as a person.
Those who succeed are often reluctant to fit into existing relationships and are able to express their opinions directly. And those who surround them very quickly agree with new ideas if they are expressed with confidence and reasoning.
By staying up late at work, you are trying to prove your worth. This often leads to the fact that you start performing unnecessary tasks.
Relax and do your part. Learn to say no without guilt. Your “no” defines your priorities and you as a person.
This is the only way people will know where you end and where they begin. Until they see this border, they will burden you.
As long as your interests are clearly offended, and you are silent about it, you will not be perceived as valuable. Learn to express your opinion, because this is your right.
Those who seek to please everyone have such a feature – to ask permission even in situations where it is not required. This makes you seem polite. But if this is repeated too often, you will be considered a person who is not smart enough to make even a simple decision.
9. Apologizing too often
If you start every conversation with “I’m sorry to disturb you,” that says a lot about you. You don’t need to apologize for your existence. By timidly starting a conversation, you show the interlocutor that you expect disapproval from him.
Make an effort to break this habit.
You will not achieve anything if you cherish this quality in yourself. The business world is neither subtle nor sensitive, and if you are too compliant, you need to work with this quality of yours so that others, less talented than you, do not ultimately pass you by.
About the expert: Sherri Campbell is a psychoanalyst, Ph.D.